___u break my heart, i'll break ur head__

Monday, December 12, 2005

...mccafe...

Honestly, i should shoot myself. Or rather, jump off a cliff or something. Or, perhaps, plunged my head into the toilet bowl...or maybe drowned myself in a fishtank. Or, or or..say...whipped my brain with the frappe cream. Yeah. YEAH. I should do all that.

And in case you were wondering what was that all about, oh hell, everybody needs a little devastation eh? And past events and meetings have brought it to me. Seeing him again. I can't stand it. I'm gonna burst. I need to forget it all before i turn into a urh..well...human...combustion. Or something like that. God, help me. Get him out of my mind. Because he doesn't have the right to be there. Actually, he took that right away for himself. *shrugs* I didn't asked for ANY of it, ya know...

My back hurts. My leg hurts. My throat hurts. Yes. Throat. With the shouts of 'THANK YOU!' and 'ONE MEDIUM POUR!'...haha...i'm losing my voice...just like Fir. Though he claims that "Suarer ako baru nak break lah." Otak kao lah. Haha. I love working at McCafe. Not all the staff are friendly. But those that are...REALLY ARE. Haha. Luv them to bits and pieces and oreos and marshmellows and cappacinos and frappes and triple deckers and gourmet cheeses. (It's getting to me, isn't it? This McCafe job? Haha...)

And i'm in love. With the lobby. And the frappes. And the ang mohs that comes everyday. And the same old bloody songs Isetan keeps playing. And the microwave. And Dayat. Ooops. Did i say that? Oh wells, a cute guy remains a cute guy and as quoted by him himself, "I know i'm cute. It has always been like that." -_- A bit conceited? A LOT actually. Takper Dayat. Naseb kao hensem. Lols.

After work yesterday, went out to eat at Lucky Plaza with Abg Azry, Shikin and Akak. And on the way home, terserempak them them at MRT. ......i am going to refrain myself from saying anything else becaauusse.....arghyjioilkniugm8rejl,dk0q04fr,...nevermind. You won't understand.

You think i'm lucky? Well, i'll tell you this. I'M NOT. In fact, i'm the unluckiest girl alive as long as you still have that thought in your mind. I hate you for doing this to me. But i'm living with it. No matter how much i miss you and want to just cry in your arms every freaking second i see you, i kept my composure. I controlled my emotions (something, i assure you, i've never been able to do before) and i remain impassive, kept a straight face, smile, pretend my heart isn't breaking into smaller and smaller pieces with each remaining minute. Because of you, i'm building a facade. A facade so hard, it's impossible to break it. I guess only in my dreams can this facade be broken. This true feelings i've been hiding ever since...well, you know went. And i shall quote a casting person here, 'you can't kill my dreams, but my dreams can kill you.' And sure enuff, if only you know what went on every night i slept and dreamed......and only our memories and your face fills in....it'll kill you inside. You have no idea. No fucking idea. I miss you. A hell lot more than you could ever imagine.

10:05 AM