___u break my heart, i'll break ur head__

Monday, April 03, 2006

Someone once told me - when I was in Primary 1 and still really, really gullible - that humans only get a set number of heartbeats and breaths per lifetime. When i was eight, i tried to figure out how many that would be. Someone said it was the number of times your heart beats in a minute, multiplied by three hundred and sixty. If that's the case, i've already used up all my breaths. Or maybe i counted wrongly - dun blame me, i'm an e8 O-Levels Mathematics girl.

Back to my point, i used to worry about using up all my breaths. I thought, "If we all have a certain number of breaths that God gives us, then we must also only be given a certain amount of air to use." So what if we used up all our breaths, all our portioned air, what if, at the very end, we take just a few more breaths? I mean, everyone has something terribly important to say right at the end, right? So if we work really hard and steal those last few breaths, does that mean someone out there has two less? Did we take someone else's air just to say our last big speech?

Inhale...

One thing i never did regret, no matter how breaths i've left, was meeting HIM. My darling, my sweetheart, my everything, my bane of existence - Yanto. And the one thing i never did regret, even til the very last of my breath, was having friends you know would last you a lifetime. And the one very last thing i never ever will regret, was the moment God decided that i am to be given the chance to breathe, at all. Thank you God. Thank you all you people who made an impact in my life. Thank you Yanto for being there, for changing me, for loving me and just for.....well, for everything, dear. iLOVEyou. Muacks.

And NO. This is not a death speech. (SHUDDUP.) I'm just doing some self-reflecting. Maybe you should too.

Exhale...

Maybe it's true. I'm getting more delusional than you thought i would. Maybe I'm too smart for my own good. *grins* Or maybe i'm too left-brained. I over-analyze everything, and beat every thought to death before letting it limp off to a corner of my chaotic mind.

Left-brained, right-brained, blonde-brained...everything has to be so clear-cut these days. Either you are something, or you aren't something. Everyone is so clearly defined and stuffed into a certain box, it's a wonder we haven't suffocated.

Inhale. Exhale. That's one breath. How many more left i wonder.....?

I hate the bloody bitch. Funny really. I don't even know her. But I hate her. For once hurting Yanto. For once breaking his heart. I hate her for making my darling all pissed off and tight up. I hate her for making his mind filled with the thoughts of her and her 'primadona childishness'. I hate her. Hmph. Get away bitch. RAWRR...

8:13 PM