Friday, February 23, 2007
I wanted
PROTEGE to be a smack in his face - and boy, am i glad i wasn't disappointed. Although i must admit that i spent half the time watching him, instead of the show, the remorse coming subtly from within him was worth the 7.50 i paid for. He squirmed silently at certain scenes, winced and cringed to himself at others, while occasionally gving me cute glances and asking me if i was cold. He thought he could hide his discomfort...but too bad, his eyes were clear panes of delusion.
I saw right through him.We were silent for a few moments when we walked off; he took my hand, gripped it and not speaking a word even as we descended the escalator. Then out the building, he reached for his cigarette, light it up, looked at me and went,
"Bagos eh criter dier."Ah. I was waiting for that. A harmless passing comment no doubt, but i know there were a lot of thoughts put into phrasing it that way. And i could see that he was more reassuring himself than me, when he said,
"Spore ketat lah u. Maner senang sey kalau kiter org nak buat operation openly. Lagipon i dah nak stop per, slowly ah. Asalkan u trust me, i surely tinggalkan kejer haram nie. But you kener stand by me uh...u will right?"Yes I will, Andy dear. And that's a promise of a lifetime i've just made.
A lifetime. I wish it wasn't that long. I've been doomed to making stupid irrational decisions, and this past few weeks have been proofs. It crushed me and hurt me like hell to see how much i've pained Yanto - the only guy i thought i loved. But he himself told me i'm strong, so i must be strong and stick to my decision and not turn back.
You may call me selfish, but personally i think i've gain the right to be selfish. I was never before. I was always the extra-nice girlfriend that pretended to get mad when he's late, but just melt at the sight of him. I was always the one to make the first move, the one to msg first, knowing that if i dun msg, he'll never call. I was always the one sharing my problems and bitching about anything with him, while he tends to push me aside and rather be alone when he's down. I was always the one to patiently wait a whole eight hours for him, when he, on the other hand, got mad after waiting just 20 minutes for me. Yes, i have always been a great girlfriend. So for once, i think i've earn the right to be a selfish one.
I'm sorry i had to do this. I'm not proud of myself. In words of dear dear Abdillah,
"Dorang pikir dorang sumer heart-break, abeh kiter enjoy kaper? What the fuck sey...sumer org pon penah heartbroken jugak. Taknak heartbroken, dun fall in love ah." =) Hear, hear. Thanks Ab.
*inhale*Ab's words help me stay strong for Andy but it's just so sad to hear him retorting,
"Biar kiter susah sekarang, jgn susah kemudian." Coming from him, it means the world to me. Why do people misjudged and prejudged without a basis? What happened to fairness and equality?
Yesterday before i leave, he called me his
"dear lovely wife". =) Sure we're gonna have kids that has a mixture of chinese and japanese...but oh God, please don't let him tempt me like that.
Please. His Gatsby hair-gel smell was already enough to drive me crazy.
*exhale*
8:01 AM
