___u break my heart, i'll break ur head__

Saturday, March 03, 2007

It's usually in a time like this when you're at your most vulnerable. Where every sparkle in your eyes are clear panes of weakness. Where every tear you shed seem to speak miles about whatever you're going through. Where every word that escape from your lips it's either uncertainty or just unnerving truth. It's in a time like this where you break down, and you break down completely.

Arab says he's in camp. He tried to calm me down, and convinced me that dearest is okay, that no harm has befall on him. No, he hasn't been tracked down by the 'white van', he's just being dragged back into reservist because of his bull-headedness.

"Nanti aku carik ahbeng untk kau. Jgn stress ah sia. Aku kenal beng. Takkan dier suker2 hati nak buay kau."

Sheesh. I dunno. I dun want to think that he has made a fool out of me either. But there's nothing i can belif anymore. Not from you, not from him, and definitely not from Ica.

And Ab isn't helping either. With every blink of his eyes, he seemed to promise me the world on golden platter. "Tell me ah u. Tell me everything. I takleh tolong directly. Tapi i boleh tolong dengar." I'd give anything to hear those words coming from Andy instead of Ab. But thank God i have atleast one decent guy in my life. Nothing remotely special maybe, but a wonder enough to make me smile during these hard times.

Thanks Ab. And thanks for making my day everyday.

Wish i was free from nothingness so i can enjoy myself with the girls. Some chillax and catching up session with them would be refreshing. Niz and her phone ringing every twenty seconds. Aminah and her ever-present cigarettes. Fatz and her born-after-sixth-month jokes. Fatt and her everything goes. Wah plus Ain with their M.I.A-ness. Lols. Why do we have to grow up?

Yesterday after work Ab sent me home. I love the way he finds satisfaction from every single thing. Outside i may be taunting and teasing him, but deep inside, i'm smiling and wishing he gets what he wants in life. I noe that he and Feeqah aren't on best terms, and i noe that it might probably be because of me. But i swear i'm not about to be a boifriend-stealer. I respect Ab as a friend and a brother. "U, I pon respect you. Husband and wife must respect each other kan."

SHUDDUP ABDILLAH.

=) And it's really funny. I'm in the presence of one guy, but my mind is always on another guy. Andy dearest, i want you to be here. I want you to make me smile instead of him. I want you take me home instead of him. Baby please dun break me.

Really funny ain't it that all this has to happen after i sacrificed all that i never thought i will. I wish Yanto would forgive me. He's still my bestest friend aren't u, awak?

Sigh. Really really funny this life.

But it's a wonder why i'm not laughing.

I begged Cupid for the guy on the extreme left, but he said GIVE ME A MINUTE. ='(

11:52 AM