___u break my heart, i'll break ur head__

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Why do i even bother?

That question has been haunting me since yesterday. And after hours of trying to figure it all out, i realise it was just futile attempts of mine to get an answer out of a question so unthinkable. So now i'll let that dilemma pass with no absolute reasoning to it. I'll let the current situation speaks volume of your pretense. I'll let things fall into place without having a hand in it.

Oh yes, things will fall into place. Believe me Abdillah. I dunno who's at fault now...you or her? In fact, i think it's me. But i tried so hard to be the peacemaker/relationship-savior, that i think i've reached the annoying point. Why do i bother? Because i bloody care about you and i do want to see you happy? Is that an answer good enuff? No? How's this...BECAUSE I THINK FEEQAH DESERVES BETTER THAN YOU.

Ahhh...now i'm siding your girlfriend. I have every right to. Aftr all she'd told me, i think i'd rather take a gurl's words than a guy's. I'm sorry Ab. I'm sorry we had to meet again after three long years. And I'm sorry both of us had to be attached. I'm washing my hands off you. But Ab, a little appreciate would make me change my mind. Go on Abdillah. DO THE RIGHT THING.

Thanks to him and feeqah, my mood dampened so rapidly that i think i got Sab a little worried. And feelings/moods spread godspeed in McCafe. Soon, she too got caught up in my 'aku-bingit-and-tak-kuase-nak-buat-kejer-aku-nak-balek-jer-boleh-tak' mood. It was the sloppiest and laziest closing we ever did. But heck, we still did way standard that wad i tink most people can do. Considering i've lost half my enthusiasm, while Sab was on the phone for a period of time - i should really applaud both of us.

Sigh. Despite the claps, i've realised that it's never safe to blog anymore. People always think you're bragging and announcing to the whole world what daily occurance your boring life offers. Regardless of whether they're good things or bad, people still talk...and they never stop. What crazy homosapiens.

Sometimes you feel like the whole weight of the world is on your shoulders. Everybody seemed to be against your every movement and action. However, they tend to misunderstand, but then they thought they're so clever to have figured things out. Sheesh...you people need a reality check, or something to slap you back hard in the face so that you'll realise that everything's a-okay, so stop jumping to conclusions. Jump. Jump. Jump. Trust me. One day you're gonna fall and break your neck.

I miss my mister boyfriend...it's only been two days, but it seems like forever. I miss his techno rendition of 'Gadis Melayu'. Miss his smile and his 'Speak Proper English' advertisements. Baby i miss you so fucking much. Want me to die izzit?

I trust you. And together, one fine day, we'll both show the world that they too can trust us. A promise we hold. A promise of either a lifetime or none at all. I think you've chosen lifetime - something i know will give you a chance to prove yourself. Dearest, i'm proud of you.

"Okay go."

=) Dun worry dear, we'll make it through.

10:34 AM