___u break my heart, i'll break ur head__

Thursday, June 28, 2007

It's Her And Him I Crave

As i sit and listen to Didi Cazly's 'Dambaan', the lyrics numbed me so strong, i had to make myself a hot blackcurrant tea right away.

Ungkapan kata selindung hasrat nan di hati
Andainya di tafsir terserlah makna yang tersembunyi
Renungan mata, bukan pandangan biasa
Bertahun andai terjalin hingga waktu ini
Gurauan mesra menghiasai masa tika bersama
Semakin berputik perasaan ini

Kini baru ku sedari
Selama ini kau ku sayangi
Andai bukan itu hakikatnya
Mengapa rindu yang ku rasa
Kini baru ku fahami
Tidak dapat ku nafikan lagi
Beban rahsia kian membakar diri

Kalimah cinta selongkar renungan di cita
Mungkinkah dibiar terdampar kasih tak kesampaian

Naluri bisik bukannya dalam bahan cinta

Ikhlas ku nyatakan kau yang ku sayangi
Kau yang ku cintai, walau tak mampu memiliki
Ingin ku luahkan mungkin suatu hari
Kan terbuka pintu hati
Dapat jua kau terima, diriku akhirnya...

If that's not beautiful, i dunno what is. And once again his voice rings in my ear. My him - the one who sings this song to me over the phone, and make me cry. So i'm a hopeless emotional bitch, but it does makes me wonder when one started knowing the meaning of love. When did the girl who screamed at mommy to buy her that Power Ranger sticker, learnt how to love a guy so strong, she'll tear to see him sad? When did the little brat who wanted a pet rabbit so much, learnt to utter 'I LOVE YOU's to another?

So many questions this life bombard us with, but not enough answers to compensate...

However, there is in this world one inescapable, undeniable, irrefutable, inevitable fact that each and every one of us who call ourselves human must face one terrible day. This one fact that adults know will happen, and try to delay its coming; this one fact that teenagers know will happen, yet refuse to accept; this one fact that makes even I, this unnamed, strong-willed writer, shake uncontrollably and wake trembling in the night. This one fact, rather simple in its statement is...

..we all grow up.

*..and suddenly i miss you so much. I wish all the satans who tried taking you away from us, die and rot in hell. Happy birthday Nadhirah Dear...

Yes, deny it if you will, yet when the denial is over, the fact will still remain: we all grow up. We cannot forever stay the precious infants our mothers cradled in their arms while the relatives went ooh and ahh. We cannot stay the little toddlers who, more often than not, ran around naked even after we had been clothed twice by our ever-patient parents.

Time will not slow for us to remain the cute, snot-nosed, snaggle-tooth tiger six-year old whose parents threw a party every time we brought home a paper with a smiley face on it. No longer do our undistinguishable crayon pictures of a dog or a house or mommy and daddy go on the refrigerator right beside the reminder to buy milk.

Instead, time marches right on by, right through primary and secondary schools until we find ourselves almost close to the next Anak Metropolitan. By now, what used to bring a cause for celebration has become expected. Bring home an 'A'; they say "Good." Not "Wow!" or "How wonderful!" or "Pandai lah anak mama!" It's just simply "good".

Try running around the house naked now and see what happens.

Remember how we used to pick our noses? Remember how we would go outside and maen bunga api each time raya comes close? Remember how in primary school we use to stand one row and brushed our teeths together? What happened to the good 'old days? Those days when everything was funny, and there was no need to be serious all the time?

Why don't any of us laugh as much as we did then? Is there nothing funny anymore? Is losing our sense of humor part of that evil fact of life? Tell me this. Is it so wrong when we see a resemblance between our Science teacher and a mad scientist? Is it so wrong when we laugh at our English teacher and jot down the number of times she would say her certain favourite word?

It is our right as people to laugh at other people. It is the only way we can keep a connection with our blissfully ignorant childhood. Yes, it is true that we must grow up, but it is not forbidden to keep a shred of our childishness…as long as you choose the right shred to keep.

By all means lambs, do grow up. Become the wonderful (or not so wonderful) people you are meant to become. But, every once in a while, remember to sit down and tell yourself a joke (rated PG, please). Remember to walk bare-foot through the mud and squish it between your toes. Roll down a hill, if you feel the need, although it will be beneficial to your health if it does not run through a highway. Have a sleepover and have a pillow fight with your friends. Burn all the history books you can find, or maths if you're me.

This is supposed to be childish fun. But I will assume you have gotten my point. Remember to laugh. Make the best out of an evil situation. Grow up, but remain a child at heart.

But of course please, do not run around the house naked.

*...i remember the first time you told me you love me...i remember every word of it...

11:52 AM