Where my blood ink drips...

2007-12-17T15:03:00.000+08:00

I'VE MOVED!

www.insanity-worths.blogspot.com

2007-12-17T00:48:00.000+08:00

Well, that's it. No more water supply from Malaysia.

Unless Hady's ASIAN IDOL album go triple-double platinum, and he earn enough to buy water for Singapore. Nonetheless, you make us all so damn proud of you, Hady. You shut all those critics who said Taufik should have went for Asian Idol instead of you. You widen the eyes of Malaysia, Vietnam, India, Philippines and Indonesia. You showed Asia what an ANAK MELAYU SINGAPURA can do. Baek ah. Taufik must be so proud of you.

In regards to that, i strongly think that it was a well-deserved win for Hady despite his non-committal performance compared to the likes of Jaclyn Victor and that Mike fella. Our second Singapore Idol sang the song originally composed by our First Singapore Idol, for the Asian Idol competition. Thus, it is truly a Singapore Idol spirit combined. And Taufik, in my eyes, could be World Idol. So clashed with a little guy called Hady Mirza, they blow the world into smithereens, faster than you can say "please-marry-me-Hady".

The look on the other Idol faces was simply priceless. Hady wasn't mentioned in the judges top choices. He didn't get praises like the rest did. It almost felt like Hady was back in Spore Idol auditions. But yet, he come out tops, (with the help of Allah Almighty, that's for sure. Entah2 die sembahyang hajat the day before kerrrrr...) so unexpected beyond we could imagine.

Yet i was reduced to tears to see Hady's unbelievable expressions (quite like Taufik's "WHY ME?" in the first round of Spore Idol during Season 1). Hady Mirza my man, push aside those criticisms, or simply take it in your stride. One thing's for sure, you're Asia's Idol now, so go kick some Europe asses!

Forgive me for thinking that Taufik would have done so much better. Well, though it's true, i guess i shouldn't have the thinking that Hady possibly can't do just as well. You proved me wrong and now, i so wished i could see Taufik's screaming down Congratulations to Hady from his block.

Ohh boy. And to think i forget all about Man U's 1-0 win against LIVERPOOL. =) My devils did their usual.

Oh bye. Gotta download Taufik's 'Berserah' right now.

2007-12-12T01:04:00.000+08:00

Been long ain't it?

But i'm still alive and kicking, and head plentiful of ideas in this season to be jolly...trala-la-la-la-la-la-la-la! My blog is getting mundane and just plain boring that it irks even the owner itself. Which means me, by the way, in case you guys weren't paying attention because of the much disappointed match between Thailand and Singapore.

=(

If i had my way, i'd have march over to Thailand and cheer the Young Lions on, despite their lost. Those heartbreaking faces after the final whistle were enough to make me go weak in sympathies for their luck. But i thought they did great despite the absence of their captain. They fought bravely and they still held their heads high. I'm proud of you boys. MAJULAH SINGAPURA.

Yes, i noticed that it's Christmas nearing, not National Day. But you know how passionate and patriotic i get when it comes to soccer; or local soccer to be exact. If i don't support my fellow anak melayu Singapura, then who will? It's not my fault i find the whole Young Lions + plus some others who couldn't make it into the under-23 due to aging reasons (*grins*), a tad bit attractive. A Ridhuan or Baihakki, anyone?

And i'm aware that i could start off my entry with the most creative phrases and in the most interesting ways...but my sign off are always so...urm - abrupt. Well, i'm not in an essay competition of any sort, so that hardly bothers me. But being the avid writer that i am, i find it a disgrace that i can't end off my post just as fabulous as how i've started it. So here goes an interesting ending...

Kid baby, i love you. Please go to sleep.

Not that interesting in the public's eye, but oh well; will do for me. =)

WILDCATS!

2007-11-14T01:55:00.000+08:00

I am so so so so in love with High School Musical at this very moment.

And i predict i will still be for the next few weeks to come. I've got the soundtracks from the first and second musical replaying again and again like a freaking pantomime. I even had dreams of me and Zac Efron dueting on stage to 'Breaking Free'. Oh boy, i'm sure a changed woman to be having fantasies once again despite the shits i face everyday.

If i could trade my boyfriend with Troy Bolton, i'd do in a heartbeat. Okay, no. Kidding baby. I love you okay. As much as Ronaldo. Really really. =)

Somebody get me a WildCats jersey. And please, please, please...a Troy as well?

Not too much to ask is it?

FABULOUS.

2007-11-07T00:11:00.000+08:00

It's been weeks. Almost months.

And i admit that i'm guilty for not having muse to update this particular blog. It's not a simple case of writer's block; frankly, I have nothing better to do with my short, pathetic life. Infact, i've also realised recently that blogs serve basically no practical purpose. But neither does RnB music, pixi stix, Harry Potter or vampires...so you roughly know now that I have a rather comfortable relationship with useless things.

And if wondering, YES, that includes MY DARLING BOYFRIEND. =)

Things have been great so far. I love him even more than i ever did in our seven months together. There have been ups and downs which in turn gave us both a reason to squeeze each other's hand even tighter, while walking this route to complete adulthood. And though i've been crying a lot, the reality has dawned on me - love fills the air even stronger when both ego clashed.

I've always wondered why the simplest things make me cry, but when something big happens i just can't shed a tear. It's like when something huge happens i just shut down. Completely. I go numb. Pretty stupid huh? The world's biggest crybaby doesn't cry when she's supposed to. Nope, instead she lets her pain flow through the ink in her pen. Hidayah, you are pathetic.

On the other hand, i came upon a certain essay on fictionpress.com titled "On the Case of Unfemininity" written by a man that goes by the pen name "Aristotle's Second Coming."

Now if this essay possessed a more sardonic tone, I might just leave his chauvinism alone, for I am of the opinion that chauvinism is hilarious. Comedy relies on the absurd, you see. Ah well. I had to go back and read another one of this author's stories to figure out that his essay was a rather poor attempt at satire, and obviously his basic point was an attack on the rising "unfemininity" of women. (Feels good to once again be reviewing other author's work after not fondling with your keyboards for long, dun it?)

Oooh.

Did i say FONDLING?

Nad's enthusiasm must have caught up with me. Horny bitch.

Back to the above, i've got nothing to comment about the issue of unfeminity. The upshot of all this is rather simple. Any argument against modern feminism is based in ignorance and a lack of verifiable fact. Modern femininity is essentially a new incarnation of whoredom. Try. If you ask any man what he wants in a woman he'll say (after big breasts and great legs) "A girl that's nice.." And honestly, if girls can't figure out a way to be nice, well, i guess it's been a fun ride and all, but humanity is certainly doomed to extinction.

I'm sorry if i'm being the biggest attention whore you will ever have the displeasure to encounter, so kindly leave a tag to soothe my tattered ego. Call me a hypocritical prick or a variety of other unpleasant names. I won't cry. Much.

Promise promise.

2007-10-22T23:33:00.003+08:00

I'm still singing Di Pinggiran Aidilfitri.

Soon, Syawal will be over...and it'll be a long wait to the next joyous Hari Raya celebration. May all Raya be as happy as this year's. Amin.

I haven't been blogging because I'm back at DTE and since i miss my beanies so much, i'd rather be spending more time with them lovelies (plus additions to the family) then with this lil keyboard.

My writing spree would soon come back once i'm ready to face writer's block yet again.

For now, take care lambs, selamat hari raya. And look right and left when you cross the road.

*blow kisses*

2007-10-07T05:47:00.000+08:00

Innalillah Wainnallilahiraji'un...

Unexpected news could make you go so weak in the knees, you just feel like letting your delicate legs give way and crumble to the ground. Unexpected news would seem so hard to believe that even a few days after that, the shock would leave you with such a heavy-hearted grief.

Kid: Maner lah si jantan sundal nie. Kasi dia tgk...GSR i lagi lawa dari GSR dia tau. *irritatingly evil laughter*
Me: Takde pon b...dia off ker nyari.

*spots Baba*

Kid: BABA! Don maner sak? Tak kejer?
Baba: Don dah meninggal. *pause with nonchalant expression*
Kid: Sial ah kau. Tak baek sak. Betol2 lah. Maner Don?
Baba: Kau tak baca surat khabar per? Dier accident kan on Wed pat Bukit Timah dalam kul 3 pagi gitu. Tgh bawak pompan maner ntah. Skid abeh lose control, flung off the bike. Isi perut sumer terkeluar.
Kid: *shocked silent* Serious per.
Baba: Pehal nak maen2 kan. Gi carik suratkhabar Thursday ah. Aku tolong angkat sak mayat dier. Lemah sey aku dapat cam muker dier pat hospital.
Kid: Aku baru dtg sini last Friday jumpe dia sak.
Baba: Allah dah nak amek dia Kid, nak buat aper. Ade hikmah lagipun. Allah nak dia stop buat dosa2 dan maksiat2 yang dia buat selama nie.

http://www.straitstimes.com/Latest+News/Singapore/STIStory_163992.html

I swear my heart dropped.

That's like 2 fatal accidents of friends and acquantainces Kid and I knew, just this 2007 alone. And they never fail to bring me back to the incidents of two years ago. Of every single detail that happen and how it breaks me so bad, i never got over it til over a year ago. And although Don's death would never impact me so much like Zafer's did, it still turned my legs into jelly to hear the news. Kid and I just spoke to him a week back, and today...the guy is no longer here.

Dear Don,

I'm gonna miss stepping into De Xing to hear you screaming "BILE NAK BAYA INSTALLMENT??" to Kid. I'm gonna miss you helping me to psycho Kid into getting a Super4 instead of a GSR. I'm gonna miss your winks and how you're always suggesting Kid to trade me with any other bike in that shop. I'm gonna miss your stupid little bikini calendars. I'm gonna miss your deliberate invitations to ride your bike. I'm gonna miss how you make Kid a punch bag everytime we meet. And i'm definitely going to miss FU 69.

Ya Allah, kau ampunilah segala dosa-dosanya, dan ringankan lah azab api neraka yang bakal dia terima.

It opened our eyes a little wider (though i doubt mine could be any bigger than it already is) everytime, doesn't it? One moment you're joking and laughing around, and the next moment he's gone from this world.

Andai ku tahu
Kapan tiba ajalku
Ku akan memohon
Tuhan jangan kau ambil nyawaku

Aku takut akan semua dosa-dosaku
Aku takut dosa yang terus membayangiku

Andai ku tahu
MalaikatMu kan menjemputku
Izinkan aku mengucap kata taubat padaMu..

Selamat Hari Raya all.

*In Loving Memories, Muhammad Farhal Dominic Rappa a.k.a Don*

2007-09-14T08:45:00.000+08:00

You ever got that feeling when you feel like doing something but just couldn't bring yourself to? When something is bulldozing its way into the back of your mind, yet you brush it off with one finger?

Yeah. That's exactly the reason why i haven't been blogging.

The keyboard is angry, i could see. I have been spending way too much time ogling over darling's new SUZUKI GSR 400, that i hadn't had time to visit that little letters over on the computer desk. Guilty? I little i supposed. But i couldn't take my eyes off the bike, who's tank gulp down petrol like the Petrol Control Association is gonna stop oil supply anytime today. For a 400, it's amazing how the tank looks so much bigger than abang's R6 and a Super4. And although i wanted our daughter to be named Putri Delylah, Kid stole it first for the bike.

Now i'm gonna have to think of a new name because i do not want a baby girl who shares her name with a moving two-wheeled, three-piped vehicle.

But i gotta thank Putri though for sending and fetching me to work everyday without fail. Still in a running-in mode no doubt, but the speed was more than just ready to throw me off the seat. The moment my darling hit the brakes right in front of Raffles Place HSBC building, i was holding on to him for dear life. B, i think i need a smaller helmet.

I miss my DTE Darlings. Miss those crazy closing antics and sleepy opening moments. Working in a bank is easy, so easy it's getting technical and boring. No meeting new people, no cursing customers the moment they turn their backs and no free supply of drinks. But then again, it's already Ramadhan, Alhamdullilah. Time to atone for our sins. Too-dooo.

And since i haven't blogged for so long, i'll end it off with a cliche survey.

1. Honestly, what is your natural hair color?
* Jet black, really. Think Harry Potter.

2. Honestly, where is your friendster display picture taken?
* Bedok North bustop stairs, waiting for 17. Memorable moments of Kid and Id without the presence of a bike. PADAN MUKER KITE.

3. Honestly, what's your middle name?
* AVEIRO. *grins so wide, while hugging Ronaldo's pillow*

4.Honestly, what color do you hate most?
* Yellow. For whatever reasons.

5. Honestly does your crush like you back?
* If you're talking about that hot guy who plays for Man Utd and dives like he took lessons on it, then dang, I HOPE SO. =)

6. Honestly, what is your current mood?
* Insipid.

7. Honestly,what color underwear are you wearing?
* Black with hot pink wordings. Kid's favourite.

8. Honestly, what makes you happy?
* When everybody around me is happy! And that includes Manchester United.

9. Honestly,look at a picture/poster in your room, who's on it?
* Mister Cristiano Ronaldo Santos Aveiro.

10. Honestly, if you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
* I would change all my past flings and erase them, so that i could jump straight and meet Kid, although despite the fights, atleast i do not have to cry over so many other guys, cuz none of them are worth it.

11. Honestly, if you must be an animal for one day, what would you be?
* A phoenix. A b-e-a-utiful phoenix like Fawkes.

12. Honestly, ever had a near death experience?
* Nah. Had a death-eater experience though. While i was in one of mine Slytherin moments.

13. Honestly, something you do a lot?
* Editing of pictures.

14. Honestly, the song stuck in your head right now?
* Kerna Delylah - 2D. All thanks to Kid Ahmad.

15. Honestly, what is your desktop background?
* Liverpool's You'll Never Walk Alone. HAK-POOOI. NO THANKS to abang. It'll change to a red Devils background in about a minute. Just you wait.

16. Honestly, what are you wearing?
* Black. All black. Black pants black shirt.

17. Honestly, when was the last time you cried?
* Yesterday. My jerk of a boyfriend's antics again. Hee. Love you la b.

18. Honestly, have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
* Yar. During my uncle's wedding. That time i was...erm...how small was i?

19. Honestly, if you could have one super power what would it be?
* To read what's inside that pathetic thick-skinned skull of yours.

20. Honestly, what's the first thing(s) you notice about the opposite sex?
* Eyes eyes eyes. Dark beautiful gorgeous eyes.

21. Honestly, what do you usually order from Starbucks?
* I don't do Starbucks. I'm a McCafe gurl, thank you very much.

22. Honestly,what's your biggest secret?
* If this is a trick question to determine whether i'm stupid or not, sorry to break it to you, but i'm not. Now go pick on someone your own size.

23. Honestly, favorite colors?
* BLACK, Baby blue, blood red.

24. Honestly, is it sunny or raining?
* Now? Cloudy.

25. Honestly, do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
* HONESTLY, WHO DOESN'T?

A Special Rare Smile

2007-08-13T13:34:00.000+08:00

Kita merancang, Tuhan yang menentukan.

Even after reading a thousands of Voldemort's quote about how love simply doesn't exist, i must snap my wand in two and apologise, because i think, with all my heart and soul, that love exists even larger and more real than magic. And true, indeed. We could plan so many things in our life regarding love, and yet it God isn't willing, then it won't happen. Thus, i planned and planned and planned...and only 37% happened before my eyes. Allah Hu Akhbar.

I notice that my entries lately have been less of enjoyable. Maybe i've been too busy trying to figure out if i could ever make money through blogging, and then i realise it's impossible, so i decided not to rant too much. Or maybe i haven't been confiding in the keyboard for so long that it is actually unwilling to do my bidding. You nasty piece of beast.

Things are in the middle of 'ultimate break down' and 'just perfectly fine'. And i refuse to explain that because my boyfriend is irritating the hell out of me right now by singing Sejarah Mungkin Berulang at the top of his voice. Or screaming, to be more precise.

Men are bitches. Hearing from Nad what happened between her and Arep, it made my blood boil. I feel like marching down to KFC with the cafe sandwich knife and stabbing him right where his heart is. I understood every single thing she's feeling and i hate them all for treating us like pieces of thrash. Retribution. One day it'll happen. It's his loss girl, dun u fret.

And the phone's ringing again. Kid Ahmad is one hell of an impatient little rascal.

2007-07-25T12:16:00.000+08:00

I've never really been surrounded by people with voices so wonderful, they actually made the original singer sound like Anugerah contestants.

Syarul's voice is heavenly. If i could record him singing 'Adakah Mungkin', i'd have posted it up on You Tube. Eiss would be proud to hear Syarul bringing that song as though it's his own. Sitting beside Kid in that Karaoke Room, mesmerized would be an understatement on how i felt when Syarul grabbed that microphone. I stared, eyes wide, mouth slightly ajar, and shook my head in amazement. Should have joined Anugerah, that dude. Will win hands down, you mark my words.

And Fairuz...natural talent. He didn't look like he could sing. But he might have paid that microphone to do his bidding or something; every song goes with his voice like peanut butter and jelly. Imagine 'Fantasia Bulan Madu'. He carried the song with total ease. I have videos, but i don't think they appreciate me posting it up. *grins*

My darling of cuz, no doubt - Singapore Idol Wannabe. But with a jolly good reason. When he sang 'Romantis', I was melting right beside him. And for that moment, i know these three guys put together would beat any boyband, any singer, and even Syarif Ahmad.

Come one friends, let's sing again. *blows kisses*

2007-07-23T10:42:00.000+08:00

"I'm...holey.."

You've seen how i go Potter-obsessed everytime the movie or book is released. But this time, no going ga-ga over the big-screen...Order of Phoenix is disappointing much. They should have made me the director. I would give a Potter movie of quality up to six hours worth of onscreen action, that even Kid would curse and swear if i begged him to take me to the cinema. (Not that he hadn't been cursing and swearing all this while, but yeah, you get the picture)

Deathly Hallows was everything i expected. The only one thing i felt could have made the book a one hundred percent plus GST sell-out, would be if Potter die. But too bad this Muggle world loved him way too much. And i think you'd want me to stop rambling or else i'll spill the spoilers of the entire book in here.

Draco is the love of my life.

Absolutely. That uncertainty. That wonderful wonderful Malfoy heritage. That dark, evil personality. That sinister wit. He's everything a perfect heaven-looking villain should be. Take me away on your Firebolt, Draco. Take me far far away.

Later tonight is Sarah's birthdae chalet. The joy of being around her compensates Nadhirah's non-existence. I miss my niece too fucking much that i'm finding solace in another's. Oh hell, if all went fine, Sarah would be my niece too. *grins like mad*

And while my darling boyfriend is off rempit-ing on his bike at this very moment, i find myself staring at this huge white screen, and picturing me on a GSR. Huahuahuahuahua. Half of that impending bike will officially belong to me. Although Kid would scream if i suggest getting myself a bike license, i should be able to withstand the pleasure of being a pillion for so long i guess.

"Nie dah bukan Mat Rep bawak KR lagi. Nie dah jadi abang-abang bawak GSR. Fuhlamak. Mama mesti suke eh B tgk bakal menantu dier bawak moto besar. Eh eh Ya Allah, gereknyer. Tak sabar aku.."

=) Dearest, i love you lah dammit.

2007-07-22T09:48:00.000+08:00

Sometimes i wished he knew how i didn't sleep because i'm waiting for him to call. Sometimes i wished he'd appreciate the fact that i slept so late yet forced myself to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just so i could give him a wake-up call for work. Sometimes i wished he'd realised that i never raised my voice at him whenever he called, even if my day was worse than hell. Sometimes i wished i could make him go 'Thank God i have her.' Sometimes i wished, and i just wished again and again and again that he'd love me as much as he love his bike.

Baby i never asked you for anything, and yet you treated me as though i'm the bane of your existence.

I wished we'd go back four months ago. Me, the cafe girl. You, the irritating rider. And i'd walk past KFC hub, knowing you'd run after me to tease and taunt and flirt, and shower me with endless flattery. Knowing you'd walk around downtown with me and gave a deathly stare at whichever guy who even dare look at me. Knowing you'd point at me whenever we bumped into your friend and went 'Dah kaysiao per tgk tgk pompan aku..' Knowing you'd be there at just a click of my handphone.

I used to hate you so much for your mentel-ness, and yet i love you. Now...now i loved you so much, i hate you for not seeing it.

I hope one day your eyes will open and see that my heart beats for you. And i hope one day you'll realise how my heart breaks everytime you call and seemed happy when you're with your friends til early morning, yet too tired everytime it comes to meeting me. Why am i your second priority when you're my first?

The more you tell me you love me, the more my heart bleeds. How i wished you really meant it.

Kid darling dear...by some miracle, i hope you read this.

2007-07-09T02:18:00.001+08:00

Just to see that sparkle in your eyes, the twinkle that shines...

...it makes me wanna love you even more.

You said you'll take my hand, and we'll go through it all together. Weeks back, i laughed it off. But today...today...

...i know u meant it.

Thank you dear.

It's Her And Him I Crave

2007-06-28T11:52:00.000+08:00

As i sit and listen to Didi Cazly's 'Dambaan', the lyrics numbed me so strong, i had to make myself a hot blackcurrant tea right away.

Ungkapan kata selindung hasrat nan di hati
Andainya di tafsir terserlah makna yang tersembunyi
Renungan mata, bukan pandangan biasa
Bertahun andai terjalin hingga waktu ini
Gurauan mesra menghiasai masa tika bersama
Semakin berputik perasaan ini

Kini baru ku sedari
Selama ini kau ku sayangi
Andai bukan itu hakikatnya
Mengapa rindu yang ku rasa
Kini baru ku fahami
Tidak dapat ku nafikan lagi
Beban rahsia kian membakar diri

Kalimah cinta selongkar renungan di cita
Mungkinkah dibiar terdampar kasih tak kesampaian

Naluri bisik bukannya dalam bahan cinta

Ikhlas ku nyatakan kau yang ku sayangi
Kau yang ku cintai, walau tak mampu memiliki
Ingin ku luahkan mungkin suatu hari
Kan terbuka pintu hati
Dapat jua kau terima, diriku akhirnya...

If that's not beautiful, i dunno what is. And once again his voice rings in my ear. My him - the one who sings this song to me over the phone, and make me cry. So i'm a hopeless emotional bitch, but it does makes me wonder when one started knowing the meaning of love. When did the girl who screamed at mommy to buy her that Power Ranger sticker, learnt how to love a guy so strong, she'll tear to see him sad? When did the little brat who wanted a pet rabbit so much, learnt to utter 'I LOVE YOU's to another?

So many questions this life bombard us with, but not enough answers to compensate...

However, there is in this world one inescapable, undeniable, irrefutable, inevitable fact that each and every one of us who call ourselves human must face one terrible day. This one fact that adults know will happen, and try to delay its coming; this one fact that teenagers know will happen, yet refuse to accept; this one fact that makes even I, this unnamed, strong-willed writer, shake uncontrollably and wake trembling in the night. This one fact, rather simple in its statement is...

..we all grow up.

*..and suddenly i miss you so much. I wish all the satans who tried taking you away from us, die and rot in hell. Happy birthday Nadhirah Dear...

Yes, deny it if you will, yet when the denial is over, the fact will still remain: we all grow up. We cannot forever stay the precious infants our mothers cradled in their arms while the relatives went ooh and ahh. We cannot stay the little toddlers who, more often than not, ran around naked even after we had been clothed twice by our ever-patient parents.

Time will not slow for us to remain the cute, snot-nosed, snaggle-tooth tiger six-year old whose parents threw a party every time we brought home a paper with a smiley face on it. No longer do our undistinguishable crayon pictures of a dog or a house or mommy and daddy go on the refrigerator right beside the reminder to buy milk.

Instead, time marches right on by, right through primary and secondary schools until we find ourselves almost close to the next Anak Metropolitan. By now, what used to bring a cause for celebration has become expected. Bring home an 'A'; they say "Good." Not "Wow!" or "How wonderful!" or "Pandai lah anak mama!" It's just simply "good".

Try running around the house naked now and see what happens.

Remember how we used to pick our noses? Remember how we would go outside and maen bunga api each time raya comes close? Remember how in primary school we use to stand one row and brushed our teeths together? What happened to the good 'old days? Those days when everything was funny, and there was no need to be serious all the time?

Why don't any of us laugh as much as we did then? Is there nothing funny anymore? Is losing our sense of humor part of that evil fact of life? Tell me this. Is it so wrong when we see a resemblance between our Science teacher and a mad scientist? Is it so wrong when we laugh at our English teacher and jot down the number of times she would say her certain favourite word?

It is our right as people to laugh at other people. It is the only way we can keep a connection with our blissfully ignorant childhood. Yes, it is true that we must grow up, but it is not forbidden to keep a shred of our childishness…as long as you choose the right shred to keep.

By all means lambs, do grow up. Become the wonderful (or not so wonderful) people you are meant to become. But, every once in a while, remember to sit down and tell yourself a joke (rated PG, please). Remember to walk bare-foot through the mud and squish it between your toes. Roll down a hill, if you feel the need, although it will be beneficial to your health if it does not run through a highway. Have a sleepover and have a pillow fight with your friends. Burn all the history books you can find, or maths if you're me.

This is supposed to be childish fun. But I will assume you have gotten my point. Remember to laugh. Make the best out of an evil situation. Grow up, but remain a child at heart.

But of course please, do not run around the house naked.

*...i remember the first time you told me you love me...i remember every word of it...

Sing Me Your Lullaby

2007-06-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

Today i sat so close to the television screen during Anugerah, i felt like i could have been up on that stage dueting with Aliff Aziz. One good thing happened though, i finally put my finger on the singing style Aliff has adopted - Imran Ajmain at every note, without a doubt.

Told you i should be made a permanent judge. Hah.

Now that i've decided to stand on my feet, let's see how you break me baby.

So sometimes i need to constantly remind myself that we real-life lovers do not create a scene like those on the silver screens. If we could, i would have long been married to Hayden Christensen or Jude Law. Although it's simply fantasy never to be fulfilled, but hey, a girl can dream, can't she?

Why can't we meet when we were still kids?

...then i could have given u a gum wedding ring, and have that swing at the playground as our pelamin.

If Allah brings you to it, He'll bring you through it.

The very first time, i made you prove it. Now where did it all go...?

2007-06-21T02:20:00.000+08:00

It just keeps repeating. Again and again and again, like some broken tape recording.

NO. It's worse than that. It's like, urm, Sleeq's 'Almost, But' that has been on replay mode in my playlist since a week ago. The only difference is hearing Syarif's crooning me to sleep doesn't hurt one bit. THIS on the other hand, hurts way beyond the throb in my head after getting it knocked onto the taxi door while getting out.

So i realised i'm not exactly the smartest human being ever to walk this planet, but i'm clever enough to see how foolish it was to let you off with a simple 'sorry'. Again and again and again...it amazed me to see how i was able to withstand all this without willing myself to poke thirteen needles though my thick-headed skull.

you say you love me, say you love me
but you're never there for me..
all we do is break up and make up..
when love hurts it wont work..
baby we need sometime alone, we need sometime alone..
=)

Quote. Unquote. True indeed. And this emo-staticness is getting too much on my brain, that my leg wound suddenly decided to bleed like someone just pushed the 'rinse' button.

We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I’ve got to get a move on with my life
Its time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown, full grown
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

I need to go through that anti-emotional blog entries course soon.

Hide Behind The Shadows

2007-06-11T04:05:00.000+08:00

Everyday, there'd be some things i desperately feel like doing. Today, i feel like editing this entry. I just golly gee whizzing feel like editing this...

What I find more than mildly intriguing...

Right, so, in order to be doing anything but brewing cappucinos and discarding the very alarming reality that i am going to be kicked out of school depressingly soon, i've decided to write an equally alarming entry. Why is it going to be alarming, you asked? Well, i'm not wuite sure myself. This is purely a procrastination tactic i have quite proudly fine tuned over the past few years of future defining study.

It feels good to see the effort sayang and I put in to make sure our cafe is spick and span. The outcome isn't important. It's the process that gives you the satisfaction nothing else could possible beat.

And thinking about how things would have been if only Kid were still working at Downtown, my eyes cast downwards to where my fingers are. Hmm...my keyboard is looking funnily interesting.

I would like to ask you now to take a closer look at your keyboard, specifically the spaces between the keys. Hopefully, i'm not alone in saying it is absolutely disgusting what lies beneath those bacteria ridden buttons. God, there is enough hair down there to de-bald the average rest home, not to mention enough dust to kill an asthmatic.

I was looking at it before, entranced by its hairy depths, and wondering how the hell I was supposed to clean it. Surely the keyboard manufacturer foresaw that the keys would soon wade in the presents left by obscure air currents, surely they realised that hair is particularly kinky and therefore leads to very intolerable notions of who has been doing what acts around the area in question.

Now kids, dun gag. Inhale, exhale, go grab a redbull, and let your older sister worry about the keyboard.

Sigh...i wish i wish, i wish upon a star...

I wish people would just be themselves. I mean if i'm gonna hate someone i'd like to know i'm hating the right person. I wish men were the ones who had to have the babies. I wish that mud was thrown at politicians more often. I wish my boyfriend would knock off work soon so i could hug him. I wish my pet fish name Belang, wouldn't look at me like he was superior. I wish I was better than my fish.

But i'm not.

And i resent that.

Disclaimer: No, my keyboard never has been, nor ever will be alive, and I do intend to keep it that way. And yes, your thoughts were correct, Belang is incredibly evil, and chances are he will lead a revolution one day. And what? Kid? Oh...if i were given a chance to choose again, i'd still choose him. I love you dearest...

2007-06-05T21:33:00.000+08:00

Let's face it. Life is a cruel joke.

No matter how many times you scream at the top of your lungs that 'LIFE SUCKS', apparently wishing for a kind soul to appear between pixie fairy dust and gently ensuring you that it's not, you know more than anybody in the world that it is indeed true. And since this isn't Chicken Soup For Your Soul and there is simply no fairy Godmother to put a comforting arm around your shoulders, you gotta accept the hard truth - LIFE IS A CRUEL JOKE.

It is a string of progressively twisted events that test our character, our fortitude and sanity. True, it has its thrills and joys, but those are only temporary and ephemeral. On the seemingly endless road of life there are only a few rest stops along the way - one at the beginning of childhood, one at the end of secondary school, and one at the beginning of retirement. The rest of the stretch is a series of bumps, potholes, and falling meteors, particularly at puberty and middle age, where self-esteem isn't part of your vocabulary.

That is why God created cancer and old age, to mercifully end our meaningless existence, lest we eventually get reduced to a blubbering pile of half comatose ooze, whimpering and crying silently in a small corner of the world.

And this is why laughter was invented.

Comedy is that small bush at the side of the road where you can take a piss after an especially tiresome day. People that laugh seem much saner. Of course, that makes them more vulnerable to those violent, crushing tragedies that seem to proliferate as you get older, but the humor more than makes up for it. I think that one of the reasons why humans have evolved so far is our ability to make light of the situation, to poke fun at themselves, to giggle mindlessly whenever the hell you feel like it.

There are two ways to live life. You can take it as it comes, weathering each storm with courage and determination. If you can do that without losing your mind, then you deserve to keep your sanity. Truly, you are a better person than most.

As for me, i choose to see each day as another opportunity for me to laugh myself silly until the snot squirts out my nose. And it's sort of a cynical, bitter laughter, not so much at the hilarity of a given situation, but at life in general. It's good to put things in perspective and smile a little at the general frivolity of it all.

Because i've found out that if you dun, you're just gonna turn yourself into a mass of vomited flesh. Especially when you realise that the world at large is giving you all the attention you need, but the one little person you want care and concern from, dun even notice you.

See the humour in it?

So go on. LAUGH.

You'll live longer.

Trust me.

2007-05-09T13:22:00.000+08:00

I steal.

Although i'm one of those who steal but can't remember why, how and where the object-in-question is from. But no, i hadn't really stolen any objects (McCafe items are NOT counted, please)...i just took this survey from someplace. No. I dunno where. Just shuddup.

Have you ever taken goggles into the shower with you?
*If i have one, i probably will. Together with the rubber duckie. Quack quack.

Do you feel bad for a spider when someone steps on it ?
*Think spiderman. If someone steps on Peter Parker, what would you feel? Squash Spidey. Poor dude.

Have you ever wondered why M&M's are the color they are ?
*I did. And i also wondered why there's no M&M's in white and why M&M's are the shape they are. Hmmmm...

Did you memorize how to spell supercalifragilisticexpealedocious ?
*SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPEALEDOCIOUS. =) I swear to God i didn't cut and paste. Supercalifragilisticexpealedocious supercalifragilisticexpealedocious, eventhough the sound of it is something kind atrocious. Lalalalalala...

Do you know the names of all the American presidents ?
*Benjamin Franklin, Bill Gates, George Bush, Elvis Presley, Yusof Ishak, Taufik Batisah, Cristiano Ronaldo, Alex Ferguson, Paul Scholes, Alan Smith...yes, i know i'm not answering the question.

Do you still wonder if Elvis is alive ?
*I wonder if Vanilla Ice is still alive. I like him better than Elvis.

Have you ever tried to jump off the roof of your house ?
*From the second floor? The window seems more rational to me.

Do you consider any/all blondes to be dumb ?
*I use to think blonde are amazingly stupid. But Betty Cooper changes my mindset straight away. You rock on Betty.

Do you have TV's in your house ?
*A couple of them. Not for rent though.

Do you hear voices ?
*Gosh. Every time. They keep going, "Sleep Id sleeeep. Come onnnn..." Oh okay, maybe that's just my pillow.

Is your favorite color tangerine ?
*Why tangerine? I mean honestly, you could have just said orange.

Is your favorite food turtle soup ?
*If you add a dish of pepper, topped with chocolate milano sauce, it could well be my fav soup. =))

Have you ever watched an entire episode of the teletubbies ?
*Confession. I think i've watched about more than ten entire episodes. And oh. I watched Spongebob too.

Did you ever think that the government was spying on you ?
*I brought home the number at the back of bus 9, and for two whole weeks then, i kept thinking the President sent some spies around TK, to catch me and get their precious bus number back. Guilty conscience ehhhh.

Have you ever won a contest in which you had to guess ?
*Guess the number of sweets in the bottle. YES YES. I played it before. But no, i didn't win. (Well, i never did read questions properly ya noe...)

Do you know the meaning of life ?
*Yes. Life means the period of time your humanity gets evaluated by God before you go back to the acual hereafter which lasts for eternity. CEDEBAH.

Do you count down the amount of days left in the school year ?
*My favourite past time. If you must know.

Do you see dead people ?
*Thank God, no. But i do see a lot of living people who'd be better off dead. Sheesh.

Do you enjoy tight clothing ?
*NO. I'm fat. And i noe it. I'd wear maternity clothes if need be...

Have you ever gone a whole week without brushing your teeth ?
*Eeeeps. Noo. But Kid has. *grins* Hahaha, sorry dear.

Do you consider money to be a form of evil ?
*It is the ROOT of all evil. Apart from Cristiano Ronaldo of course. That's my ultimate devil. Muahahaha.

Have you ever had the urge to have a pickle and peanut butter sandwich ?
*Right now i want KFC MELTZ and nothing else. Not even a pickle and peanut butter sandwich.

Do you or have you ever enjoyed using yo-yo's ?
*No. I find reading Harry Potter again and again, more satisfactory, thank u.

Do you like Diet soda ?
*Is this a trick question?

Do you watch cartoon shows everyday ?
*If i do have my everydays free, i probably will. Spongebob's on top of the list. Heeee.

So long lambs.

Mistaken

2007-05-07T09:22:00.000+08:00

It is a crazy crazy, fantastically crazy world.

Not remotely in the right state of mind to blog an entry of length - not after realising how fast time flies, even superman was dragged back by the speed of the month. It's so superbly scary to blink and realise that April left a few days back. The April that brings misery and bittersweet sadness has finally ended it's stay. The April that left me banged, broken and absolutely stunned at its events. Now i'm way past all of that for good and May has arrived to grace us with its presence. It's enough. Enough for me to smile and wish many more happy moments for both of us.

Happy First Month, darling dear.

Yes, i am aware of how long more the journey we both had to travel. But we have blessings...that alone is enough to bring us this far, and further if we wanted to. It has been a road of subtle hints and unexpected turnovers. Who would have known? Who would have guessed? A friendship of endless taunts and nothingness, became a hand-in-hand promise of a lifetime. How you stand seeing me with another is something that touched me so deep, i felt almost guilty. And yet, you stood, firmly, both feet on the ground, and grab at the slightest chance you had. Lucky you.

For that, i thank u d.

And i thank you my sweet sweet Devils. It's obvious that the EPL trophy already has ur name and Sir Alex's engraved on it. Sad sad truth - THE BLUES ARE GOING DOWN. Sabrina sayang, Ronny just called to say that he would personally deliver the trophy and plaque to my doorstep. =) Guess you'll just have to wait for your Lampard to win something for you. Pelan pelan kayuh k...

Closing with Vincent for two days could and might just make me lose it. Thank God sayang came down to spice up the otherwise-dull atmosphere; poking fun at evelyn's atrocious grammar, correcting almost everybody's english in our pathetic, worned-out, almost-dying Cafe Comms Book, getting excited at the mention of Shalie and his wonderfully chocolate milano inside joke, melting in the knees each time Shahrul walks past, and having the weirdest, inane-nest conversations with Roody.

"Ah ah...pen jangan nak kebas k. Nak kebas pen kener kebas orang dier skali."

Thanks lah eh Dy. Hahah.

Dearest have been accompanying me home these few nights. Not physically. And it's torturous enough to hear his voice, but knowing that i hadn't seen him for one full week. Wallpapers are not enough d...i need a full embrace from the figure-in-question. I miss you Md. Khidzir Bin Ahmad. And i miss your, "Babyyyyy.....nak?"

I'm gonna be holding this one month so tightly in my grips, til we reach our second. Have i told you why it's bliss that you decided to squeeze your way into my life?

Because that's why.

I Want To Be A Spiderwoman

2007-05-04T11:42:00.000+08:00

Imagine this. You're going out for a night on the town. Literally, in your case. You've got your cape. You've got your incredible powers of flight. You've got a mask that covers your insanely handsome face. You've got a form-fitting spandex suit that leaves nothing to the imagination. Why, you asked? Tradition.

But of course, let's just put the stupid superheroes outfit out of question.

My topic for today - SUPER POWERS. Everybody wants one. The number one power everyone wants: flight. Definitely. Who doesn't ever want to lose a balloon again? Who doesn't wanna hunt down that bitch of a mosquito and smash him between their palms? And who, i ask, who wouldn't kill to moon a blimp pilot?

*raised eyebrows*

If I had to choose a super power…well…hm. I'd like to be able to conjure pens that gives you an out-of-this-world experience. (Of course this has absolutely nothing to do with me being a writer, and my long-term secret fetish with pens and pencils of such.) I'd like to have the ability to wish for a really moronic pen, and it'd appear in my hands. So if i'm on shift at cafe and anyone ever asked me for a pen, i'd bring one of them into existence, and lend it to the customer.

Just a personal fantasy of mine. Though maybe if i'm leave to run shift alone while my sayang gets dragged back to mainstore, i could chew off all the pen caps in McCafe. So when a customer borrows one, he'll be plain disgusted. Or maybe i wud rig it so that when they took off the cap, the ink would explode in their face and render them Smurf-like…

Okay, it's just a grind. Manchester United's lost and Kid's laughters is still ringing in my ears. But i do learn something from all this - i should never be a superhero.

But in today's delusional world, superheroes are nothing but a phase. Cicak-man and Labah labah-man (gosh Taufik, i love you) can only do as much as Batman or Daredevil. I sit and render at Cafe, watching both sayang and I turn the upside-down to normal everytime there's a rush...and i think we should be consider superheroes. I sit and stare at my darling, watching how he tries to hide worries behind smile...and i think he's my number one superhero.

I mean, think of comics. Not comics as in Archie and friend. Comics, like you know - NEVERMIND.

Sigh. Invincibility. Invisibility. Flight.

Superheroes and super powers always seem to go hand in hand. Let's face it, Spiderman shoots webs, Superman can fly. In a child's fantasy, you are nothing unless you can do something incredible. Superheroes and supervillans, name one that couldn't do something superhuman. Even Batman had enough gadgets to be considered some sort of hero. But my question this time is, where is the power that we all need?

Where are the vibrant tights of the listener? Name one time that a superpower healed the world, saved a soul, or even touched anyone on a deeper than physical level. Where is the superpower to make daddy stop beating mommy? Faster than a speeding bullet, yes. But where is the power to stop the bullet from hitting the innocence, the mother, the child? As strong as these "heroes"are, give me the comic where they check up on the addict to see if he's still on drugs.

Where is the power to stop a killer, rapist, or pedophile as they creep in the bushes outside your home? Where is the power to stop the jumper from leaping off the skyscraper? Yes, Spidey would save him, but no one can stop the urge he gets from the cold urban air. Where is the power to stop the murderer from craving blood, craving the life of another innocent victim? While Superman is jumping buildings and flying at the speed of light stopping asteroids from crashing into the planet, the mangled body of a man lays twenty feet from the mangled wreck of what was, five seconds ago, his car. He lets out a silent scream too faint for anyone, even a superhero, to hear, then he bleeds to death.

You see, superpowers are too good to be true. When people are suffering to keep food on the table, selling their bodies to pimps and their souls to drug runners, when the X-men are playing poker...its then that you realize that the comics were worthless. Let's face it, Spiderman shoots webs, Superman can fly, but tonight a little girl cries in the gutter. Tonight in the gutter she cries next to her limp, almost-dying mother...

...and nobody hears a thing.

Allah, save our earth, please.

And just for the record, NO, I haven't watch SPIDERMAN 3. Stop rubbing it in, ass.

Still My Little Devils

2007-05-03T21:19:00.000+08:00

Yesterday before i sleep, i hugged my Ronaldo pillow, say my prayers, and made a wish.

I wish for God's wonderful sky to open up and rain fifty and ten dollar notes. I wish for a kind being to buy me a new handphone. I wish for a big-hearted soul to hand me a cheque of a thousand dollars so i can get all that i need to last me four, maybe even five years. I wish for the first semester in Ngee Ann to end by tomorrow. I wish for Chelsea to admit defeat to my lovely captain Gerrard, and his Redish boys.

Among all, only my last wish came true. But with a huge price. My Devils had to wave goodbye to the Champions League as well.

OH THE HORROR. The perils of football life - all the unexpected should be expected. THANK YOU VERY MUCH LAH SHALIE EH. Look what your milanos did to my poor Manchester United boys. Thank your lucky stars for Kaka, or my sayang and i would banish both Shalie and his Choc Milanos to Milan. Forever.

And i swear if Kid laughs at me one more time, i'm gonna present him with a Scholes jersey for his birthday. You mark my words, dear.

It's funny how as u sit and reminisce, you began thinking of everything that is out of the world's equator range. Or maybe, that's just me exaggerating. Can't help it when you look at Sarah and her cuteness - it makes your head go insane that you began feeling like your mental faculties are somehow loosening. I would beg for a daughter like Sarah. Sarah Filza. Beautiful ain't it? You lucky bitch, Farah you. If you find your daughter missing one day, you know where to look for meeeeeeeeeee. *grins*

I do not feel like typing anymore. Mainly because i do not find my life interesting enough to share with the world. I'm waiting for my phone to ring, which will indicate that dearest is resting/smoking/sleeping (or all at once) at tampines mart hub, with no orders to send. I miss seeing him back at Downtown. ='(

Maybe i should go to bed and hug Ronaldo again.

The pillow, people, the PILLOW. Not the man.

Randomness

2007-04-30T12:05:00.000+08:00

World Wide Web is my lifeline. So it's no wonder i'm feeling suffocated these few weeks.

I really should consider getting a wireless at home. This non-existent internet connection at home is bugging me. It is really such a chore to go all the way down to Clementi just to have my blog updated plus have my mail checked. Although, like what my sayang suggest, i could use that lil internet machine next to the cafe...but Sab dear, i am still sane ya noe...

Opinionated. Ada hikmah di sebalik semua yang berlaku? Yes, i think it's true enough. Imagine seeing him again after all these years. Imagine knowing that i once pushed his love aside because i didn't believe he was sincere enough. Imagine i thought we'd never meet again, only to see him at my boyfriend's home, eating oreo cookies on the table, and eyes widening when he saw me set my foot in his household. Imagine having to accept the fact that he's actually the flesh and blood of my own current boyfriend.

"Dil, kau tak kejer?"
"Tak. Urm. Sape tu?"
"Kaysiao aper kau, tgk2 gitu. Aku punyer lah okay."
"Pompan kau?"
"Nampak sah kan bodoh. Kakak ipar kau."

There was approximately four seconds of ringing silence as he adjusted his hair, stare uncomfortably at the cup of milo in front of him, before plastering a forced smile. That insanely handsome face glance a moment at me, then back to his brother as an almost inaudible "Oh," escaped from his mouth.

Gosh Aidil, i am so sorry. If only i had known. If only WE had known. I guess the unplanned is always the best. As long as you don't stare at me as though i've got acorns growing out of my ears...i think we can forget our past, and get along just fine, okay - urm, brother?

*laughs and dies*

On a more low point, i hate seeing my sayang all stressed-up. I hate HIM for doing what he did to he.

(Oh. The perils of the blogging world - it's never safe enough to mention names...you will never know when the person in concern would creep up behind you and stab you in the back with a dagger.)

But if i had my way, i would have put his name up here to announce to the world that i have one more male coward to add in my list. But they say, what goes around comes around. He will get what he deserve sooner or later. Dun you dread my sayang...God ain't cruel. One fine day, things will definitely go your way. Trust me. I've got ur back.

As much as i longed not to leave my sayang doing cafe closing alone...i had to succumb to my school timetable. Stepping into the buildings of NP promised me a long dragful, dreary day. So much assignments there is to complete...i feel like burning down the whole school.

I wish, i wish...i had many more wishes. So i could give him some of them, and he can wish to have what he wants to wish for. Like maybe having Liverpool to pull up their socks or something. My Red Devils never fail in making me heave a sigh of relief. Did you catch that marvelous match between them and Everton? No? YOU SHOULD. =))

Glory, glory Man Uniteddddddddddddd!

Ronny dear, you're my life support. But i'm uttering 'love u's to one other casting person, when it should all be for you. To my one and only - I.L.U, are but only words. But when i say it, i meant it.

Simply that.

Due to Earth in 5 Mins

2007-04-25T11:06:00.000+08:00

One word for you to know that i haven't really been missing in action: BROKE.

NO. Not broken as in the heart, mind and soul kind of thing. Picture empty pockets, minus minus dangling shillings. That's the kind of broke i'm talking about. And it's not helping that school choose to start at the moment i so badly need dollars for anything and everything. I'm practically depending on his bike to transport me to and fro school due to the nonexistent of value in my ezlink. Can't believe i'm dying without money. I mean, MANCHESTER UNITED WON THE FIRST LEG OF CHAMPS LEAGUE, u noe! And i'm worried about money.

Heez. Don't remind me that i typed out entries with no links from the first to the next.

Kaka, i love you. From your hair, to your physique, to your beautifully created dark features, i adore everything. But put you beside my hero, and i'll immediately push you in the middle of a heavy traffic. Nobody beats my Ronaldo - the one of a kind wishy-washy Portugese winger+winker slash diver+hearthrob. So i'm not sorry for the 3-2 win of Man U against Milan this morning 2am at Singapore time. (I'm beginning to sound like the Newspaper with every passing minute) Thrash them like you did Roma, my dear devils. My sayang and I have put Sakura on our heads. She'll take the Blue, I'll have the Red Devils. MAY THE BEST TEAM WINS. Amin.

You noe Barney the Dinosaur? The big purple figure. Yea. That's what my darling looks like now. Not in terms of built, but rather his cheeks. Worst still, only one side of it. Sheesh. Never seen anyone had toothache that bad. Poor kid. HAHA. As in literally. Poor KID. ^_^ I love you d...get well soon. Please please please. I miss you singing me to sleep. With one swollen cheek, all you ever do is groan and moan.

Benar dikau ku cinta...

Setiap detik ku puja...

Kau sering perhatiku, sambil belai rambutmu..

Tak ingin aku lupa, kenangan yang tercipta..

berikan aku diari, tulis setiap hari..

I'm in the library yet again. My fourth home. The computer at home is missing my touch since i hardly had time to embrace it. Seems like i only will have the chance to update my entries if i'm released out of class early. Trudging down to the library is hardly a chore...though i do wish to catch a glimpse of Syed so he would zoom me down that torturous hill of Ngee Ann Poly.

But i hardly saw anybody i noe in school, apart from my moronic darlings of course. School's such a bore that i'm now looking at everything around, with unlinked thoughts swimming around. There was even a time when i was perusing select fashion magazines and diligently observing behavioral patterns shown in washroom regulars, that it comes to my attention how people in general are becoming increasingly vain, self-absorbed, and superficial as the years pass.

And if i were to elaborate, i'd have to name this entry, 'The Neverending Narcissism'. I am sure that the average member of society would agree when it is said that such a simple step as removing the hindrance of eyesight is one sacrifice that would better our way of life as a whole. People from all walks of life would find themselves in a better situation, most certainly one of selflessness. Blind people have more chances of seeing heaven, ya noe...

This world is scarily coming to an end. And nobody bothers preparing themselves for the land hereafter. Even he is telling me of how afraid he is to die before he get a chance to atone for all his sins. Or, atone for HER sins rather. D, i'm behind you. We'll make it through. And she'll be proud of you. She'll be proud that her dad isn't a coward who runs away under pressure.

You'll see. The whole world will see. Life's not a fairytale. It's important we never forget that.

Campus Tranquility Broken

2007-04-16T13:10:00.000+08:00

There is something about this keyboard. As i am typing, the sound of the clicks of the keyboard buttons are louder then usual. Worse still, it is lying flat on the ground with the two stands that held it up, broken beyond repair. My fingers are tired and my hands nearly gave up. The more i type, the more i wonder if i should write a letter to Ngee Ann Poly, requesting that they change the keyboards in the library to a new one.

After months long, NP's tranquility is finally shattered. Myriads of freshmen that i spot here and there gives me a huge headache that attached reality - it's time to study because school break is over. The horror of the situation saddens me. How i longed to be back in Downtown East just like the holidays.

Crazy closing moments in cafe would be dearly missed. My sayang surprise visits, bringing me lunch+dinner, eventhough she is on MC...spotting a red shirt walking towards cafe, with the earpiece stuck in his ear, and singing as though he owns the world. I will only experience all that again twice a week now. Thanks to my hell-hole of a diploma, my bank account is gonna lessen. Honestly. The goverment should stop school for good and sell degrees/diplomas/phd for a price instead.

I'm waiting for my phone to ring; indicating that a certain casting lil fella is awake from the dead of sleep. But maybe i shouldn't be so selfish. He deserved a much well rest. I had the thought of giving him a wake up call with a newsflash - MAN U 4-1 WATFORD. But i didn't want him crying back into his Gerrard pillows. He could call his friends over to cheer him up though. Afterall, you'll never walk alone rite d...?

HAK-POOOOI.

My ronny baby signed a 5-year contract with Man U which marks a point of excellence for a footballer we never could find anywhere. That goal against Watford was a sign. A BIG Sign proving why Cristiano Ronaldo is considered one of the best player in Europe. A sign that proves Ferguson had tattooed the words 'NOT FOR SALE' on Ronny's forehead. A sign that tells me i should fly to England now and sign my contract for eternity with Ronny. Wedding invitations will be sent via mass emailing. YAY YAY.

So i'm waiting for yet another big match to prepare for a raging of war between Kid and I whenever Liverpool/ManU/Gerrard/Ronaldo is concern. Dots. It's either school, work, football or him. Yes, i realise my life isn't a colourful rainbow. But I definitely lament the socially stagnant culture we Singaporeans wallow in. We live in a weltered world of catchphrases and taglines. It's a sound-bite kind of existence, and it's so fucking sad…

Talking about TALKING.. (uh huh, i like the sound of that..woo..)

People carelessly use the words "gay" and "retarded" to describe mundane, everyday things that they find disagreeable. "Gay" is synonymous with "Boring" and "A Waste of Time". "Retarded" so easily replaces "Stupid" in our dysfunctional English vocabulary. How plebeian. Apparently, the colloquial uses of these words have wiped away their original meanings.

Why don't you ask Oxford. Hell, "Gay" used to mean 'exuberantly happy' and "Retarded" simply meant something that had been regressed or held back somehow. But imagine if i say this to you, "Our trip was retarded due to the whiteout caused by the blizzard."

0_o

Let's stop ranting. Sometimes it's best to come up with our own word. I have one of mine - SPLENDIFICIOUSLY.

Example in usage: Chocolate Milano is splendificiously tempting.

Lalalalala. Don't pretend you understand. =))

The Promise

2007-04-13T14:06:00.000+08:00

In my lifetime, i've made quite a number of promises which i either forget about, or simply just break it. Guess now a word of promise dun mean as much anymore. Now all the promises we should ever made must only be between ourselves and God. Now that should be a promise of a lifetime. And that is a promise we'll hold...

I remembered a promise i once made Andy. I promised to love him til the day i die. I promise never to leave him. I promise to stay on by his side regardless of whatever shit we'll go through. And i think i've kept my promise. I stick by it so much that i didn't realise it's eating me up. The promise i tried to fulfil gone to a waste because he simply wouldn't appreciate. Could it be my fault now? Now that he has reappear somehow, am i suppose to continue the promise i made to him?

NO. Never ever.

He asked me 'What the hell?' Go search for the answer within yourself. Ever since i met u, i've done nothing but wait. You carried on with your nonsense and yet i waited. You keep disappearing, and i still waited. You dragged me into misery but i endured and i waited. Simply because i promised i would. But there is a limit to every patience...and mine, Andy dear, has reached its peak.

Sitting outside Macs with Sha, Les, their friend and Kid yesterday, it made me flashback through all those times. Kid is sitting beside me, and flirting with Sha, trying to make me jealous. I admit that i am, you can't blame me if you see how pretty Sharmeela is...but my mind aren't really there with them at the moment. Kid's innocence made me thought of everything that has been circulating my brain, and damaging it in the process.

And dunno what more i couldn't do. I WANT OUT.

I remembered Kid tearing up Ronaldo's picture in the Newspaper into little little pieces. The thought of that could make me smile. And yet, it some sort of rare smile you'd rather hide then show.

Maybe sometimes it's better this way. Maybe i could build a future with him afterall.

I never should have promised - it's a lesson i've learnt with time.

Id.Kid. =)

2007-04-11T11:07:00.000+08:00

Warning. This entry was edited.

(No, no, scratch that.)

Beware. This entry was deleted.

Although i dun really know why anyone should be wary of a deleted entry, i guess some things are just disrupting my mental faculties once again. Like looking at how Kid got all stressed up because they keep bombarding him with all the responsibilities in the world just because he's the IC. My poor guy. Maybe he should get back on the ship, apologise to the captain and have a stable job on board. Despatch work can't last you forever d...

Somebody said that low profile characters makes the best leaders. I wouldn't call Keane a low profile dude, but i think he's doing superb with Sunderland the moment. But legends will be legends. And SIR ALEX FERGUSON, is a legend. His successor? CRISTIANO RONALDO.

Yesterday was one hell of a night for Manchester United. And it was THE night for my dear Ronny. 7 to my devils. 1 to Roma.

GLORY GLORY MAN UNITED! Oh devils, if i not love thee so much i would be a sack of radish. Hahah.

Sori Mr Kid darling, LIVERPOOL SHALL WALK ALONE. You have to learn to live with my Ronaldo posters...if not sorry, you gotta sleep outside.

2007-04-08T13:17:00.000+08:00

I hate the hypocrisy that's going on. I wish i could step into his shoes and see what goes on inside that pathetic thick-headed skull of his. It's such a sad thing to learn nowadays - guys are getting more cowardy every second. If you give me a pen and a paper, i could jot down approximately 20 male names of cowards i've known during my course of life. The list will of course begins with ANDY and ends with ABDILLAH. Cowards both of you. Go ahead and succumbed to your ego. We'll see who has the last laugh.

I dunno where the story popped out of. Someone is trying to spite Kid and i, but i dunno who and i dunno why. Poor Roody. He probably heard me wrongly on the phone, and so was blamed for making up stories. All i told him was that me and Ab "sorta" had a fight due to...urm...things that happen. And then i confessed that Kid and i are perfectly fine and happy. Somehow things became like a pass-the-message game - story got changed mid-way. Now, the whole world thinks that Ab and Kid fought and it's all because of me.

Now that honestly came flying out of the left field.

My guess are that either Roody misheard me, so he accidentally told a different story. Or Ab, the jerk we all well knew, start this whole nonsense to spite Kid and i. Why would someone stoop so low to do that? This is all total rubbish. Abdillah get out my sight and out of my life, thanks.

From today, i have to lead my life as a single parent and take care of our baby girl on my own. My darling Sabrina would be hospitalised for two weeks and as i've predicted, i'm gonna die having to run the cafe alone. Darling please get well soon. Please don't leave me like this. I'm gonna cry you noe Sab. SAB PLEASEEEEEEE. *sobs*

Things are definitely not looking bright. With the exception of Kid spouting nonsense in my face, going "MAN U sucks lah b...let me tell you, YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE!", and talking about big dreams of a splendid wedding at a hotel, i'm everything but fine. Headache, stomachache, and every kind of ache you could find.

I'm gonna hate having to work without Sab now. ='(

HRMPH. And oh the horror, I have to deal with a Liverpool fan at the moment. Thank God i actually adore Gerrard... or i'll have a hard time entertaining him who's forever clashing my Red Devils and my Ronny darling.

"U nak i jadi workaholic ker alcoholic?"
"Ish. Workaholic lah nampak sah."
"Alah b...memang i tak penah sentuh pon minum2 nie sumer. Demi Allah."
"Betol tak betol?"
"Serious lah...my perangai paleng buruk is that i suker curik."
"Samer lah tu d!"
"Bukan curik bender. Curik hati."

^_^ (Yes, he gave EXACTLY that kind of irritating smile after those words.)

The McCafe Wedding Reception

2007-04-07T11:13:00.000+08:00

It's official. I'm a married woman now.

You should have seen our wedding cake. Simply mouth-watering. If only i'd added some chunky chicken fillings topped with tomatoes and lettuce, it'd be the most amazing wedding cake you've ever seen. And our wedding car was simply fantastic. Waiting patiently for both of us at Hougang Chalet, they decorated it with the words 'Ambulance'. What a beautiful reception. Maybe we should have a second round of wedding function once more at cafe, eh Sab? WE FORGOT OUR PELAMIN AND KOMPANGS AND KENDARATZ. Bummer.

I'm feeling a bit better now, thank God. The panadol helps a little, but the migraine still stick throughout the night. I was trying to keep myself under focus, so we could do closing in peace. No breaking points. No setbacks for the day.

Except when Kid mentioned about making two white helmets with my name and his on it. Dammit.

Should i tell him what memories a blue KR and white helmets bring me? He confided in me quite a number of secrets about himself that was mindblowing. It took some courage out of him to tell me about her. Yes, my mind went blank after hearing him tell the painful truth. But i've seen and heard enough to understand the situation of today's world. And i'm not gonna hate him just because of a innocent lil girl. If i do meet her, i'll probably just give her the biggest hug i could muster. It's not her fault she was born...

And yet, I feel guilty for not telling him about Zafer. I feel guilty for not trusting myself enough to trust him. I feel guilty just seeing the attention that he gives me. D...when the time comes, i'll tell you everything. I promise...

"Besok kener bawak duet beribu2 sak. Sumer gaji budak2 i kener handle."
"Abeh gaji i maner?"
"Gaji u? U tunggu duet hantaran jer lar eh..."

I forgot to tell Kid that i'm already married. Dun worry Sabrina honey, i'll confess to him soon.

HAHAHAHAH. I think i should take a second dose of medicine.

...and the Chocolate Milano shatters...

2007-04-06T13:06:00.000+08:00

Yesterday at about 11 something in the night, Sab broke my Chocolate Milano bottle when she told me a heartbreaking news which made me dropped Kid's helmet, and scratch the side of it. An also in that process, it shatters my heart in million teeny weeny bit pieces.

There goes my Shalie and the Chocolate Factory. Insan ku sayang kini milik oranggggggg...

And yes, Sab's nonsense is getting from bad to worse, she's actually scaring me. But it's good. I'd rather have her in a nonsense mood then in a really blue mood because of Shawn. Cuz everytime she thinks of Shawn, i'd think of Zafer, and together we'll get into our jiwang moments. Guess only her would understand how i'm feeling. Only she would know how i hide those tears behind a rather rare smile...

And indeed as i've mentioned, it is a small world afterall. To learn that Roody actually know Andy and they are not just mere acquantaince, is totally groundbreaking.

Me: Dorang panggil dier Ahbeng and they -

Roody: Jap jap pause. AHBENG? Tinggal tamp eh?

Me: Yar, blk 109, tingkat tujuh -

Roody: Rosli eh?

Me: YOU NOE HIM? My God...

Roody: Member camp sia. He was under me.

Me: HAH. Camp. Dier lari reservist, u noe rite?

Roody: I heard uh. Lamer tak nampak sak. Aper kabar dier?

Me: My EX, Rudy, EX...how the hell would i noe. Probably dead.

Roody: Ish. Rosli ur guy eh. Tak sangker...tapi dier punyer org, i kesiankan tau.

Me: EX! Dunno lah dy...macam maner nak kesiankan orang yang taknak kesiankan diri dier sendiri?

Roody: True. Buat dek jer lah. Ish. Paisey sey. All this while u bobal pasal ur ex, rupernye i kenal dier. Tsk tsk.

Yes. The world is very small, it's unbelievable.

2007-04-05T12:37:00.000+08:00

Down with fever and flu. Which only means that the chemical reaction between my brain and hand aren't working so well at the moment. Which also goes to show that i can't possibly type out an entry of length that i always do. Which also means that if i dun log out soon and iron my Cafe uniform, i'll be late for work.

Hell, anything's gotta be better than this cough and cold. Can't think straight when i'm too busy concentrating on how to balance myself with two feet on the ground.

Thanks to Sab and Hafiz and Adam for the constant help during my hectic moments in closing. I love you people so much that i would fish for a lobster and let you people cook it for dinner. =))

And thank you to him for the nonsense and smiles and rides homes and immense flattery (which he knows gets him nowhere but he does anyway) and the crazy sailing-in-the-same-boat story. I dunno what i'm getting myself into, but it better be good. Because i got my name scratched on his helmet anyway. You make go insaneeeeeeee...

"Hahaha. Dah ade u, wat pe nak carik bapok..."

Bapok's are the IN thing now k mister. What do you know...you dun even noe that Ice Latte is not sugar added.

IT'S A DEAL. Stick by it, and prove it. 'Nuff said.

Salju Di Danau Rindu

2007-04-03T12:47:00.000+08:00

"Nanti aku kol kau. Half an hour gitu k.."

That was the only reply I got after I spend twenty whole minutes meticulous typing on my cell phone, sending out four messages, explaining the whole story of my dilemma and filling up most of the space calling he-who-must-not-be-named-aka-andy everything from a jerk to a male chauvinist pig and every variation thereof. And all Farhan could give, as a sympathetic reply was those nine pathetic words.

A friend in need is a friend indeed? BULLSHIT.

I guessed people do have other things to worry about. While i'm only worried that my love Sabrina might faint at cafe if i dun send her Mom's cooking soon, people around me have more important concerns in mind. So while waiting for the frying to finish, i gave Yati a call asking abt the well-being of the family. I learned that Hafiz has managed to spell his full name (Muhammad Hafiz Danial Shah Bin Syed Farhan. The boy's gonna have a hard time shading his name during exams) and Nurul now wakes up at 3 in the morning (I must have passed her the wake-early sydrome) crying for milk, everyday without fail much to the annoyance of Farhan.

So Yati the Super-Mom urged me to msg Farhan and tell him every bit of the story i just told her. Being the nice friend that i was, i did. His short-suspicious reply got me thinking so much that i didn't even realized my fingers were dialling his number on my home phone. Before i could stop myself, i heard his prominent 'hello?' on the other line follow by some sort of hush whispers in the background.

"Han? Kau pat - "

He cut me off, like he always did without fail each time i called him. "Babe," he said heavily. There was some sort of scraping noise at the other end of the receiver. "Aku seriously busy sia. Sorry Id. Nanti aku kol balek. Promise promise."

There was something in his tone, which suggested he's keeping things from me. The Farhan i knew never hid anything from me. Even if he were dealing with some sort of illegal drug trafficking, i'd be the first person he would confide in. (Okay alright. Scratch the drug-thing. I kept thinking everybody is Andy.) But still, to hear for the first time ever that there's something he's not telling, i couldn't help but feel suspicious. Frowning and pouting, i said accusingly, "If it's a girl, kau boleh just bilang aku tau."

"Aku dah kawen bodoh. And Id, i'm not you. Aku tak tukar partner macam tukar baju."

Talk about something whacking you straight in the face.

"Thanks a lot lah Farhan eh. But kau not cheating on Yati, are you?"

"Tak lah sial. Aku tgh dgn kawan laki nie."

I tried to gel in his words, but it's proving difficult. Monday is Farhan's off day; he either spent the day with Yati and the kids, or he's down the block spraying his bike. To think he's out with some guy that he's just refusing to introduce is mind-boggling.

"Babe," i heard him called again after i remained silent for three long minutes. "Aku dah kawen. Dah jadi bapak orang pon. So im straight, and u noe that. Stop it sak Id."

I grinned. Farhan always had a knack for voicing my thoughts and knowing exactly what was on my mind. But before i got a chance to say anything else, the line went dead. Hmmm. Remind me to tell Yati that her husband's gone crazy.

I'm still waiting for Mommy to finish her cooking. It's funny how when you're waiting for something so simple, your thoughts just run wild. And to top it off, this beautiful song decided to play on my computer.

Tak pernah ku kesal

Memilih dirimu

Biarpun pudar kelam masa silam

Bagiku kasih sayang satu anugerah

Tak ternilai olehku

Benarlah katamu hidup penuh pura

Tetapi tidak pada diri ini

Cintaku tulus suci lahir dari hati

Salju di danau rindu

Mengapakah sukar menyakinkan cinta

Yang terbiar layu disirami duka

Sedangkan diriku umpama pengemis

Mengharap kasihmu itu

Izinkanlah aku menyintaimu

Dan sesungguhnya cintaku satu

Benarlah katamu hidup penuh pura

Tetapi tidak pada diri ini

Cintaku tulus suci lahir dari hati

Salju di danau rindu

I felt a tear coming, so i changed the track to Taufik's 'Usah Lepaskan'. NOT HELPING. I hate this. They came one after another, flowing in and out, in and out, like it's the most natural thing to do on earth. Him who simply wouldn't give up. Him who caused me to wait in vain. Him who gave me the reason to smile even in weariness. Him with his cute hair and air of innocence. Him who got me so mesmerized that i stared at him while crossing the road. Him, the smart-pants and his chocolate milano nonsense. Him who's all sweet, but too busy with three jobs at once. All the hims appearing at the same time, driving me insane.

FAHRUL U'RE THE ONLY HIM I NEED. PLZ COME OUT SOON MATE.

Oh, my phone rang. Farhan's calling. I love you buddy. I tink i'll stop crying now.

The Unlinked Monster Story

2007-04-02T13:13:00.000+08:00

Working at 2 am could be a scary thing. No matter if you're alone or with a friend, you might just imagine some sort of monster watching you from outside the closed shutter of your store.

But there's a lot things that can be defined as a 'monster'. You could call that four million year old tree in your backyard a monster because it's pretty huge. If you really wanted to, you could call the kid who you copy off in math class a monster, if only because you consider mathematics to be 'unnatural'. There's a lot to be covered under the general umbrella of monstrous things.

But to me, monsters exists not only in movies, but in real life too.

If you randomly walk into a movie theater, you're bound to see at least two horror films in the listing, waiting to scare cinema-goers off their pants, and giving the boyfriends one hell of time.

Perhaps the real reason people like horror movies is that being scared gets adrenaline pumping through your system, a leftover instinct from when it was fight or flight all the time. The adrenaline gives you extra energy for just long enough that you can get away or defeat ur enemy in battle. It feels good when you've got excess energy, like power flowing through your veins.

Movie monsters are the kind that get your blood flowing and your mind racing. Its a feeling of complete surrender to your instincts, if you allow yourself that. Such a thing is addictive and explains why there are so many horror movies. Movie-goers are addicts to the adrenaline, and producers feed their addictions.

Remember i was talking about real-life monster? Well, they are much scarier and much closer than anyone ever thinks. Did you know that every two and a half minutes, someone is sexually abused? This abuse happens more often than car accidents, mugging, and rape combined. Rapists, murderers, and abusers are abundant on the streets and in cities around earth.

The real difference between the movies and life is the effect it has on the people involved. You go to a movie and you can walk out at any time. If it gets too intense, you can close your eyes and cover your ears until that part is over. You're on the outside looking in when you watch a movie. In real life, there can be no escape. Women who try to leave their abusive partners are seventy-five percent more likely to be killed by him than those who stay.

Maybe the next time you go to watch a horror movie, you'll remember this and walk out of the theater before the movie starts. The real monsters aren't on the big screen; they're hiding behind facades of nice people who donate to children's hospitals every month.

It's the sad truth. And talking about monsters made me thought of heroes.

My hero didn't come to Cafe yesterday. Instead, Sab's hero did. Disappointment after disppointment after disappointment. I think i might just take a Redbull full bath later.

So Sab's hero a.k.a my irritating abg ipar came down to demand a double chocolate. And later he came again to deliver cafe items. And all the while, i kept a look out for my Shalie and the Chocolate Factory...but to no avail. I seriously seriously need a redbull man.

Do any of you noe the redbull monster? If u meet him, please send my regards and tell him that Man Utd won Blackburn 4-1 and that i love Ronaldo so fucking much. Thanks love.

The Chocolate Milano Episode

2007-03-31T10:18:00.000+08:00

A paradigm change I would like to see would be the general idea from "meat is murder" to "meat is a natural part of animals' diets." It bothers me that so many vegetarians are so militant about people not eating meat. They aren't protesting mountain lions eating deer, so why should they be protesting humans eating chickens?

It's just absurd having to stand behind that lil counter at DTE McCafe and hear myriads of people asking "Do you have anything vegetarian here?" It makes me wanna roll my eyes and go, "We have one full packet of Romaine Lettuce. You wanna buy that?"

Okay, so customers are always right. True. We working in the line of service deserves no right whatsoeva to question them. In fact, all we have (read: was forced) to do is smile and serve. Despite of whateva emotional breakdowns you're experiencing at the moment, you still have to smile. Despite of his smile, his face, his jokes and his laughter playing like a silent film in my mind, i still i have to stand up straight and go, "Yes sir? Can I help you?"

And despite of being on the verge of tears, i still have to swallow them in, blink furiously to keep my eyes from watering, and plaster a half-broken smile to whoever that walks up McCafe's front counter.

What a facade. Even at work i couldn't stop thinking about him. Even in the presence of Sab and how she cracks me up, i still had his words lingering in my mind. Thank God i wasn't alone at the cafe yesterday, or i would have totally lost it. Two days back in fact, i nearly succumbed to my emotions. If it weren't for a certain person, and his Chocolate Milano nonsense, i probably would have sat down beside Ronald MacDonald and cried.

=)) I am not suppose to mention names, so says Sabrina the Great. Hahah. But him and Chocolate Milano just makes me insane. If Flora hadn't passed that helmet to Herdi and forced him to take me home, i'd have sat down all night listening to Sharlie treating me as though i'm his 10-year-old sister. "Hidayah nak chocolate lagi? Cukop tak sebotol?" The Chocolate Milano thing never seemed to end...until Herdi signalled for me to go and i had to leave Sharlie the Wonderboy with his Chocolate Milano Episode.

I think i almost died yesterday when Herdi took that sharp corner turn. He could have flung me off that bike. The next time i see Herdi, remind me to hold up a "PANDU CERMAT, JIWA SELAMAT" banner. Toots.

I just realised that i mentioned Sharlie. And IM NOT SUPPOSED TO MENTION NAMES. Bodoh lah kau Id.

Talking about Id, hahah, good luck to my abg ipar for his Anugerah auditions today. Wee. I've just announced to the whole world. VOTE FOR IDHAM! Sab must be proud. And Kid? If i have a few cents left, i'll vote for you too. Cheers to my ghostriders.

Here I am typing out an entry of length, and Indra Sahdan is staring down at me from my AFC 2007 poster. I miss football and i miss watching my Ronaldo in action. But if you keep staring at me like that again Indra, i'll give up football for good.

I hear the mother screaming. Something like "sayur" and "computer" and "bill belom bayar". Ah, my instincts tell me that i can decipher that right enough. "PEGI KEDAI LAH. AKU NAK MASAK. BELI SAYUR. KAU ASEK MAEN COMPUTER JER, BILL DAH LAH BELOM BAYAR." =) I love my mom despite her bullshits, hahah. And if u haven't realise, i'm back to square one.

SAYUR. Veggies. Vegetarians. Meat-haters. Gahh.

Just because my morality does not dictate to me that being omnivorous is wrong does not make me a bad person. I dun eat vegetables, BIG DEAL. The constant myriad of propaganda and semi-personal attacks created by people whose decision it is to not eat meat is unnecessary. I would think that people who think animals should have the right to not be eaten would at the very least respect a person's right to choose. Dun you think so?

I am not evil for consuming meat. I am in actuality contributing positively to natural order and the setup of life. Humans are just animals and as much as we don't want to admit it we cannot be removed from the entire scheme of life. And animals, no matter how intelligent we think we are, must succumb to the drive of nature to consume what is meant to be consumed.

Meat is not murder. Meat is sustenance, and spreading lies saying that eating meat will make you impotent or give you heart failure is just absurd. Frankly, it makes me want to cook you up and eat you.

SAPIENS CHOCOLATE STEAK - full grilled delicious human meat topped with Chocolate Milano sauce, and a dash of cinammon powder to go along. Scrumptious taste for fulfilling your appetite.

YUMMAYYYYYYYYY.

2007-03-29T09:55:00.000+08:00

Yesterday i could have gotten hit by a car because i was staring at him and refuse to look away.

=)

2007-03-28T12:26:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since someone last pester me to blog. I used to have goodbye greetings going "Bye take care! See you tomorrow! Update your blog tau!" I used to have people telling me that Manchester United just won yesterday, so i 'noe what i gotta do'. True. My blog has long been an unofficial football column with my undying devotions to Ronaldo slotted in between every three words that i typed. But maybe as much as i believe that Man U is gonna grab the treble again this season, i too believe that my world outside football deserves just as much attention.

So yea, it's been so long since i myself last blog a decent hidayah-like entry. Maybe it's work that has been keeping me away from the keyboard, or maybe it's just the endless thoughts of his whereabouts and what he might be doing as of this very moment, that's keeping me from blogging.

OR WAIT.

Maybe it's because i know people snooped around in my blog, misjudged, misunderstood, misconclude, and then go off and shoot their mouths away with nonsense. Atleast when i blog about football, nobody bothers to tag any shits. Or maybe i should just demolish this online diary and keep a book one. Hmmmm. IDEA IDEA.

Yes, i realised that despite all that wonderful excuses, it still comes down to my laziness to type out about my ever-so-complicated life. If niz hadn't prod, i'd probably never go to http://www.blogger.com/ until school starts. So yes yuhanis, you fucked up bitch, why must you remind me to blog. But still thank you very much.

And Miss Sabrina? Thanks to you too. Courtesy of Sab's emo blog entries and her everyday jiwang songs that never fails to fill our cafe-closing hours, i'm somehow more encouraged to blog in the typical id-style. Although half of the time, her entries got me confused and kept wondering what on earth this girl is blaberring about, i know her life's just as complicated as mine. SAB DUN STRESS URSELF UP LAH GURL, YOU HAVE IDHAM NOW. If that's not big enough to get into her skull, i dunno what is.

So maybe Boi is right. I contradict myself. To think i've got the nerve to ask Sab not to be stress when i myself looked as though i have the weight of the world on my two pathetic shoulders. The island-wide hunt with Boi and Wady was to no avail. From Clementi all the way to Punggol, then back to Tampines...we were like future Sherlock Holmes. By 6pm, i had to head home thanks to my great curfew, so the search had to end. In the bus however, i received a msg from Boi telling that they're both off to Chua Chu Kang to continue their supposedly "job-hunt". Hahah. Thanks guy. Love you peeps lots lots.

WADY: Boi, kakak kau kol.

BOI: Id, kau angkat Id. Ckp aku pat toilet.

ME: *picks up call and put on loudspeaker* Assalamualaikum? Tu siape? Fadil dalam toilet.

KAK ITA: Sape nie?

WADY: Kak, tak jawab salam sia kak...

BOI: Diam lah bodoh.

KAK ITA: DIL! Kau pat situ kan? FADIL!

BOI: Ah, apelah. Orang kluar ngan Wady la.

KAK ITA: Tadi pompan tu sape?

BOI: Adek Wady. Kite kat Punggol lah.

KAK ITA: BUAT APE PAT PUNGGOL?? Kau jgn nak nonsense ngan aku lagi eh Dil.

BOI: Orang tgh carik kann..

KAK ITA: CARIK APE?

BOI: Jalan, jalan, carik makan..

KAK ITA: Dil, kau jgn buat aku marah. Tadi Fauzi asek kol jer umah. Ape dier nak?

BOI: Dier pon tgh carik lah tu.

KAK ITA: CARIK APER?

BOI: Carik pasal.

KAK ITA: Dil, kau eh -

BOI: Tak lah tak lah. Orang tgh carik kejer lah. K bye.

Hahah. Yes, their nonsense are able to get my mind off certain things, but still i am distracted. Nas and Arab tried to cheer me up as well, (with doughnuts and stuffs) but i guess only i can cheer myself up the best. I am so thankful for all that they've done; for all the counselling Arab has given me to open up my alreadi huge eyes. Thanks for smacking the reality into my face and making me understand the whole situation. And thanks for sticking by me Arab, even though he's your best buddy.

BABY YOU'VE ALREADY RUIN WHAT'S LEFT OF YOUR LIFE, PLEASE DUN RUIN MINE.

2007-03-26T10:58:00.000+08:00

Ab: U, i miss u uh.

Kid: Miss miss miss. Aiming btol ker tak boy asek nak miss jerrrr.

Ab: Aku tak bobal ngan kau kan!

Kid: Eh rilek sua...saper ckap aku bobal ngan kau ah Abdillah.

Ab: Wateva lah eh Khidzir.

Id: WHAT? Kid, is that your real name?????

Kid: Eh korang duer pi saner memotek lagi mulia tau.

Ab: A'ah u, u dunno? Khidzir. Kirer glamer ah tu panggil Kid.

Kid: Abdillah last warning k.

Id: KHIDZIR? Hahahah..

Kid: TAK KU HIRAUKAN PANAS MENTARI PAGI, DEMI CINTA, KU RELA MENANTIIIIIII...

Hahaha. I love you bunches a lot. =) Thanks Sab, Idham, Nas, Arab for helping me through this difficult times. Thanks Aminah for lending a listening ear. And thanks u riders for the constant appearances and nonsense that always make me smile.

KFC - I'm Loving It. We're affiliated.

Baby i love youuuu. But it's your lost. Adios.

2007-03-24T16:01:00.000+08:00

"Hey3, Kakak Harry Potter dah angon lom nie?"

Hahaha...he's so cute, i cant even get that hair colour outta my mind. Damn.

In words of Ab, "Let bygones be bygone. Err, bygones tu aper ah? Yang buat spray nyamuk kan tu?"

I luv u ab. And i luv u too nas. And i luv u mister nice hair.

And yar, u too? Perhaps.

2007-03-22T09:43:00.000+08:00

NAS: Maybe we should start wearing tudung and everybody would stop pinpointing us. Whadya say?
ID: Hey, that's an idea. Who gave u that stroke of brilliance?
NAS: Muah of course! The brilliant soul. Haha.

Oh boy. Dun i just love her? Dun juz love the stupid accuses people are dropping on us as tho they actually know what's going on. Dun i juz love how ridiculous it seems that they put the blame on her, when the poor innocent soul (not to mention brilliant, yes) knew nuts about what's happening, knew nuts who andy is, and knew nuts about all this fucked up shit that is suddenly pinpointed at her.

A big HAHA in your faces, all of you people in the blaming-game.

She's done no wrong. Stop blaming her and stop accusing her. Fucked up lah you people, sad man.

Nas, i'm so sorry to get you into this mess. So sorry to get you into this shit you dun deserve to be in. So so sorry.

On the other hand. my poor darling. So much for Singapore and its yellow-ribbon project. HAH.

BULLSHIT LAH YOU FACADES.

Blah, get lost.

2007-03-19T11:54:00.000+08:00

19 of March.

I wanted you to atleast turn 20 wif us. To celebrate 20 years of your life, smiling and laughing away. But maybe not everything could go your way as you want it to.

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY FAHRUL.

Hope you're safe, fine and well in there. I miss you dear friend. =(

2007-03-18T10:34:00.000+08:00

Why do i even bother?

That question has been haunting me since yesterday. And after hours of trying to figure it all out, i realise it was just futile attempts of mine to get an answer out of a question so unthinkable. So now i'll let that dilemma pass with no absolute reasoning to it. I'll let the current situation speaks volume of your pretense. I'll let things fall into place without having a hand in it.

Oh yes, things will fall into place. Believe me Abdillah. I dunno who's at fault now...you or her? In fact, i think it's me. But i tried so hard to be the peacemaker/relationship-savior, that i think i've reached the annoying point. Why do i bother? Because i bloody care about you and i do want to see you happy? Is that an answer good enuff? No? How's this...BECAUSE I THINK FEEQAH DESERVES BETTER THAN YOU.

Ahhh...now i'm siding your girlfriend. I have every right to. Aftr all she'd told me, i think i'd rather take a gurl's words than a guy's. I'm sorry Ab. I'm sorry we had to meet again after three long years. And I'm sorry both of us had to be attached. I'm washing my hands off you. But Ab, a little appreciate would make me change my mind. Go on Abdillah. DO THE RIGHT THING.

Thanks to him and feeqah, my mood dampened so rapidly that i think i got Sab a little worried. And feelings/moods spread godspeed in McCafe. Soon, she too got caught up in my 'aku-bingit-and-tak-kuase-nak-buat-kejer-aku-nak-balek-jer-boleh-tak' mood. It was the sloppiest and laziest closing we ever did. But heck, we still did way standard that wad i tink most people can do. Considering i've lost half my enthusiasm, while Sab was on the phone for a period of time - i should really applaud both of us.

Sigh. Despite the claps, i've realised that it's never safe to blog anymore. People always think you're bragging and announcing to the whole world what daily occurance your boring life offers. Regardless of whether they're good things or bad, people still talk...and they never stop. What crazy homosapiens.

Sometimes you feel like the whole weight of the world is on your shoulders. Everybody seemed to be against your every movement and action. However, they tend to misunderstand, but then they thought they're so clever to have figured things out. Sheesh...you people need a reality check, or something to slap you back hard in the face so that you'll realise that everything's a-okay, so stop jumping to conclusions. Jump. Jump. Jump. Trust me. One day you're gonna fall and break your neck.

I miss my mister boyfriend...it's only been two days, but it seems like forever. I miss his techno rendition of 'Gadis Melayu'. Miss his smile and his 'Speak Proper English' advertisements. Baby i miss you so fucking much. Want me to die izzit?

I trust you. And together, one fine day, we'll both show the world that they too can trust us. A promise we hold. A promise of either a lifetime or none at all. I think you've chosen lifetime - something i know will give you a chance to prove yourself. Dearest, i'm proud of you.

"Okay go."

=) Dun worry dear, we'll make it through.

2007-03-16T12:34:00.000+08:00

It's a small world after all.

Yesterday a sweet horror struck me - everybody seems to know everybody. Somehow people you knew are just connected to some other dear ones that you don't even need friendster anymore to give you all the connection ties. Singapore is indeed very very small. So the next time i say i'm lazy to go for work cuz it's such a long way off, someone please just fucking stab me.

Been working my ass off these holidays that i hardly realise school is still part of my complicated (but filled with sweet misery) life. The results that i got two days back i must say was kind of satisfactory. The fact that i actually got promoted to Year 2 was enough to make me scream into the phone with joy. (Andy thought i won lottery or something.) Although yes, I FAILED PAM YET AGAIN; i'm lucky i got to repeat it instead of getting kicked out of NP for good. Syukur Allah. On a happier note, NO MORE TXP. No more having to frigging memorise what's the family name of Allamanda Oenotheraefolia. And oh belif me, i dun even noe if i got that spelling right.

As much as i'm feeling half-hearted about school reopening, my head still feels heavy each time i stepped into the crew room. ABDILLAH, FUCKING STOP ALL THIS NONSENSE K. U might enjoy it. U might enjoy knowing that i care so much about you, i'm willing to go to lengths to help you. Your friends might enjoy it too. They might enjoy teasing me with everything and anything that has the name 'Abdillah' on it. Hell, anything that sounds even remotely close to 'Ab' would turn into a whole new taunt directed to poor lil me. Despite the hostility we've showed to each other these past few days, your friends continue to prod me with endless qsts about u. I could ignore them, yes...but what i can't ignore is your silence.

I'm not oblivious Abdillah. I know what you're doing. You avoid me, ignore my msges...because you want me to forget you and concentrate on my boyfriend so that U can concentrate on YOUR girlfriend. Fine with me. BUT PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE...do not pretend as though we're a couple in MacD's premises. That alone is enough to break me. Stop it Ab please. I'm begging you.

Though mind full of what Ab is doing (or not doing, rather), there's always this smile, light-weighted feeling each time i see my dearest. From Punggol, he came to PariSs to pick me up from work yesterday. He's always trying hard to make me smile despite of how tired i'm feeling, trying to make his kisses linger so that i get this tingling feeling, and trying to act like a kid so as to remind himself that we're actually 8 years apart.

"Cinta tak kenal usia."

I agree Mr. Rosli dearest darling dear. =) And yes, though i noe we may never get the blessing of people around us, but it doesn't mean we should never try. Sometimes we do some fucking mistakes , but we simply refuse to admit it. Seeing now that u've realised it...seeing how you promise me we'll never do no wrong anymore, i feel atleast at ease. Thank you.

".......sampai mati."

*hugs* I promise.

2007-03-12T16:13:00.000+08:00

Lately i have been wondering when i ever started enjoying work at DTE. I used to complain frequently to my beanies back at Shaw about how i so longed to transfer back there. And yet today, after working for mere months at DTE McCafe, the place became my third home.

I did closing only twice at Shaw, so i never really experienced the thrill and craziness of closing the cafe. But now i'm a regular closer, and i tink with every night til morning i spent there, i've mature bit by bit. I've sub-conciously grow up to observe the surroundings, the complications of work life, and the meaning of patience and perseverence.

As much as i pity Sab for all the workload passed on to her, there's only so much i could do. I've yet learn to do all the work LF has passed on to her. So unfortunately, i'm not much of a help. Closing with her have always been full of stories and inane nonsense, and i knew stuff about her i never thought possible. But i'd never asked for a better closing partner than her - she's about the best DTE can have. And to think we both actually experience one similar incident in our life; man, that's just ground-breaking. Sab babe, i'll pray for you. In fact, i'll pray for the both of us. WE WILL SURVIVE! Heran tak heran uh...

Maybe the presence of Ab brings yet another whole new meaning to my worklife there. The joy of his sudden appearance at cafe, sticking his head out and saying his trademark, "U! Beloh." And his, "U, double choc bleh? Mango mango? I nak mango bleh?" And also Kid's singing whenever he saw me, before he would go "Balek sayang? I antar nak? Oh tak boleh, kalau Abdillah takde, i antar k. Eh, jgn blang Ab i panggil u sayang, nanti dier run me over ngan his KR." =)

So they occasionally flatter me with their nonsense, but nothing could win me better than Ab's smile, which i rarely get nowadays. He looked jaded and world-worry, his eyes forever clouded by that emptiness and weariness. I swear i wun get involve with him and Feeqah anymore...but it comes a time like this when i doubt my own feelings. I just want to see Ab happy, and if Feeqah can do that, then i want her to.

Fuck you bitch. Go take care of your boyfriend will ya.

Cuz i have my own boyfriend to take care of. Haiz. I dun want Ab to disappear, but at the same time, if he dun...i'll keep wondering. And wondering. And more wondering. Abdillah, i'm so sorry. So so so sorry. I'm so sorry i fell for you. And i'm sorry you fell for me too. Pssst Ab, kalau jodoh tak ke mana. Right? You taught me that sweet. *big sigh*

On the other hand, Andy has been a joy. Such a bliss spending time with him at cafe two days back, before i punched in. His kanchong-ness when he saw Sab, thinking she was a police, and him not knowing what a marshmellow is...hahah...sometimes i think i love his heart and his soul more than i love him.

More work for me this few days. That spells less time with my Ahbeng, less time with my favourite gurls, and more time with my insane closing partner. Kiter rock ah Sab eh. Sas sab sab sub sub SUBWAY. =)

I gotta rest my aching body for now.

ROSLI BIN ABD RAHMAN. Where's the massage u owe me?

2007-03-12T02:16:00.000+08:00

Downhill. Uphill. Downhill. Downhill. Downhill. And all of a sudden, uphill again. If Jack and Jill were here, they'd salute me and hand over the pail of water to me.

And if you're wondering if i'm ever gonna mention it - YES I CANT BELIF THAT MAN UTD DREW YESTERMORNING. But Ronaldo darling never fails to compensate things. I thought his goal was the one in a million sigh of relief for every Red Devils' fanatic. I love you Ronny baby. I'll give you a hug in my dreams okay.

And before you start rolling your eyes, i think i should better explain the donwhill-uphill crap i had as an introduction to this entry.

On the other hand, i dun tink i will.

Sorry. My fingers are tired for wateva reason.

All i could remember for now is that i love my ahbeng very much. Good night kids.

2007-03-10T14:52:00.000+08:00

Told ya my posts would go famous overnight and i would get hate-tags. Hahaha. Told ya told ya told ya didn't i?

=)

Maybe i should consider blogging about football all over again. So boring lah you people who have no lives, and then you read other people's blog and indulge urself in their life only to kutuk-mengutuk. Haiyo.

Best kan kutuk-kutuk orang nyer entries?

Soooooooooooo gerek. Woo. Mr. Beng, i love you. =)

2007-03-08T11:02:00.000+08:00

Hey dearest...here's a big FUCK YOU, especially from me to you.

Fuck you for ruining your own life.

Fuck you for not thinking twice.

Fuck you for getting yourself in trouble.

Fuck you for taking the risk despite knowing the side-effects.

Fuck you for lying that you've stop, when in actual fact you didn't.

Fuck you for not appreciating the friends that are always on the look-out for you.

Fuck you for not even pitying your mom one bit.

Fuck you for blinding yourself with the ego you think would last forever.

Fuck you for not seeing how much some people care and love you.

Fuck you for all this shit you made urself go through.

And fuck you darling, just fucking fuck you for making me cry...

Everyday i waited to hear news from Arab. I jumped at the slightest ring of my phone, wishing it's either you, or Arab with some news of your whereabouts. I pray for your safety, and for God to keep a look out on you. And when Arab did called, i prayed hard it wasn't bad news. But oh, guess what?

It was.

FUCK YOU, you stupid asshole.

Do you have any idea how i scared the shits out of Arab when he heard me crying over the phone after he told me the news? Do you know how i broke down the whole night, and for the first time ever Ab couldn't cheer me up?

You always ruin things dear.

I'm so sorry but fuck you for making me love you.

2007-03-07T00:24:00.000+08:00

I've long rid myself of emotional blog entries and posts that makes me out to be a lovesick imbecile. It's one of the few pitiful truths - when your blog is viewed publicly, you'd rather not portray yourself as an insufferable pain-in-the-ass. Then people will talk, news passed around and you'll find yourself becoming a celebrity in less than half a second. Your entries go famous overnight. For all the wrong reasons.

So as the moon slowly reaches its peak, i find myself sitting in the same room as seven Cristiano Ronaldo posters, wondering why i've banned myself from typing blog entries right from the heart. All this while it has been a facade of harmless posts about football, football and everything football. To erase reality, i made myself an unpaid commentator...i hardly blog about my life. And the more i re-read my previous posts, the more i laughed to myself. Why Id why? What's with the secret agenda?

What you've read in www.listen-to-meee.blogspot.com for these past few months was neither a product of my wonderful ideas, nor my brilliant mind, but instead was assumably futile attempts of mine to block out the real world that have blinded me with worry and clouded me with weariness.

Yes, if you've been wondering. Yes yes yes, double triple yes. I am not in the right state of mind. Everything and anything around me slaps me back to reality.

For five days straight i've been trying so hard to make sure everything's fine between Feeqah and Ab. I sacrificed my prepaid to call Ab, then Feeqah, and be the messenger to solve their problems. I gave Ab the company he needs and i gave Feeqah advices of such. I've done all that i could ever do to save their relationship. I wanted to see Ab smile, to see him refreshed and energized, no more looking like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. It calms me down when i see his picture with Feeqah on the wallpaper of his phone. It gave me a sense of satisfaction. And yet yesterday, the irony of this whole situation smacked me hard.

"U, kiter dah ok tau. Me and Feeqah dah settle things, so it's all fine now."

His words are suppose to make me breath even easier now, knowing that all my effort has not gone to waste. But it didn't. And i can't give a reason why. It just did not. When Ab said that to me, i was stunned, frozen, completely blanked out. I tried to smile, but i could feel myself faltering. The only thing i managed to do was to plaster the most sincere smile i could curve, and went, "Serious? That's good sak! Happy2 ah korang skarang ehh."

Then i turn around to pass Din his helmet. The guy looked at me, raised his eyebrows and shook his head. And i know straight away that even though i tried to hide it from myself, the others could plainly see i was lying bluntly in my own face.

"Dorang happy, kau happy tak?"

I trusted the helmet into Din's arms, giving him looks of warning. He picked up the delivery bag, chuckled to himself and walked off. I stayed there, flipped my phone open and saw HIS name on my profile.

*.A.N.D.Y <3.*

I looked at Ab texting on his phone with a smile on his face, back down to my own phone and the name on the profile, excuse myself to the toilet, turned a corner into McCafe where we've already finished closing, sat down on the round bench, and finally after holding it in for so long, i let the tears out. I cried and cried and cried and cried.

I miss him. Everything from his hugs to his sarcastic comments, i missed it so much i'm suffocating. One week of disappearance is no mean feat. Nobody could confirm for sure that he's in camp, and summore Arab said the "white van" are on the hunt for them2. If they tracked Rafiq down, they'll for sure track Azwan, Azam...and everybody underneath them. Which could only mean one thing - Andy's probably down on that long-list.

Baby, is that why you've gone missing? Is that why you run away from the people you love? So scared you are of getting us all involve that you went into hiding so if you get caught, you get caught alone. But dearest can't you see? We're all behind you. We'll stick behind you whatever happens. I definitely will. I sacrificed so much already. I'm not about to let them take you away from me.

Syg i love you. And i noe what you promised me that night wasn't just empty words. You weren't drunk, neither were you high or drugged. So i know you meant it. I've heard empty, meaningless words from you before...so i know when you say something and you meant it. But why dis sudden disappearing act then dear? Why?

I'm surprised i could still cry. I'm surprised that there are still tears left. I tried so hard to be a perfect girlfriend for you. I wanted to erase your past, stir you to the right path of life, and i nearly succeed, but then u decide to go on a missing spree. Baby, i'm so afraid of losing you, especially when i'm not even sure if there is a product to our late nights. It's time like this that i need you so badly. Need you to hold me tight, kiss my forehead and call me all the Japanese names you can come up with. But where are you now when i need you the most?

Guess there is still so much more this life holds for us. So much more cabaran Allah has in store. Allah Hu Akhbar. God, grant me patience and strength.

Andy, i've been flooding my keyboard with tears since the start of this entry, and i'm not sure if i'm about to stop. This could be my longest post of the century, but it could never fully capture how crushed i am. It could never grasp the actual hurt my heart is experiencing.

Andy dearest, would you have the heart to break someone who's already broken?

2007-03-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

Baby, if i say 'Abracadabra', would you appear before my eyes? If i pray and wish so hard, would you stop going missing? If i cry tears of blood, would you come out from wherever you are?

Please don't make me wait with a shattered heart.

Plz.

2007-03-03T11:52:00.000+08:00

It's usually in a time like this when you're at your most vulnerable. Where every sparkle in your eyes are clear panes of weakness. Where every tear you shed seem to speak miles about whatever you're going through. Where every word that escape from your lips it's either uncertainty or just unnerving truth. It's in a time like this where you break down, and you break down completely.

Arab says he's in camp. He tried to calm me down, and convinced me that dearest is okay, that no harm has befall on him. No, he hasn't been tracked down by the 'white van', he's just being dragged back into reservist because of his bull-headedness.

"Nanti aku carik ahbeng untk kau. Jgn stress ah sia. Aku kenal beng. Takkan dier suker2 hati nak buay kau."

Sheesh. I dunno. I dun want to think that he has made a fool out of me either. But there's nothing i can belif anymore. Not from you, not from him, and definitely not from Ica.

And Ab isn't helping either. With every blink of his eyes, he seemed to promise me the world on golden platter. "Tell me ah u. Tell me everything. I takleh tolong directly. Tapi i boleh tolong dengar." I'd give anything to hear those words coming from Andy instead of Ab. But thank God i have atleast one decent guy in my life. Nothing remotely special maybe, but a wonder enough to make me smile during these hard times.

Thanks Ab. And thanks for making my day everyday.

Wish i was free from nothingness so i can enjoy myself with the girls. Some chillax and catching up session with them would be refreshing. Niz and her phone ringing every twenty seconds. Aminah and her ever-present cigarettes. Fatz and her born-after-sixth-month jokes. Fatt and her everything goes. Wah plus Ain with their M.I.A-ness. Lols. Why do we have to grow up?

Yesterday after work Ab sent me home. I love the way he finds satisfaction from every single thing. Outside i may be taunting and teasing him, but deep inside, i'm smiling and wishing he gets what he wants in life. I noe that he and Feeqah aren't on best terms, and i noe that it might probably be because of me. But i swear i'm not about to be a boifriend-stealer. I respect Ab as a friend and a brother. "U, I pon respect you. Husband and wife must respect each other kan."

SHUDDUP ABDILLAH.

=) And it's really funny. I'm in the presence of one guy, but my mind is always on another guy. Andy dearest, i want you to be here. I want you to make me smile instead of him. I want you take me home instead of him. Baby please dun break me.

Really funny ain't it that all this has to happen after i sacrificed all that i never thought i will. I wish Yanto would forgive me. He's still my bestest friend aren't u, awak?

Sigh. Really really funny this life.

But it's a wonder why i'm not laughing.

I begged Cupid for the guy on the extreme left, but he said GIVE ME A MINUTE. ='(

2007-03-01T22:26:00.000+08:00

You can't have your cake, and eat it too.

I learned that years and years ago, although today i did have my cake and i ate it too. Literally. Chicago cheesecake is super delicious and the mudpie is simply mouth-watering. But we greedy pigs (read: Aminah a.k.a 2000-Cigarette-A-Day-Woman and Id a.k.a Innocent-Bystander) thought we can finish it all off. Unfortunately, we reminded ourselves of our seemingly harmless diet schemes, and those cakes were left unfinished. Tsk tsk tsk. Budak2 pat negeri laen sumer mati kelaparan tau...

Two years have passed since i last did Literature, so don't blame me for taking every figure of speech literally. It pains me to know the real truth behind that phrase above. But i know i have too...and today proved so. With endless waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and talking, and eating, and starbuckings/cofeebeanings, and more waiting, and waiting, i find myself giving up.

Ms. Nizzie a.k.a Casanova's-Girl msged, and we thought she'd trooped down with the Boob-Born-Before-The-Sixth-Month-Thinkers, Fatz and Fatt, but they couldn't make it. So it's just us, under the pondok of Tampiness street 11, waiting for one solitude figure...which disappointingly, never did appear...

Part of me was wishing so badly to catch even a lil bit wee glimpse of him. But no. All the day it was us, and only us. And oh, the camera of cuz.

I've never done a blog entry with pictures before. So this is new to me. And i don't think i like it very much. I still prefer words over everything else. =) I'll post the rest of my camwhoring in friendster. So if u care, go ahead and view. If not, you can go Coffee Bean and buy their delicious White Cocolate Dream.

Oh i'm such a McCafe betrayer, no?

Mr. Shogun, seven and half seconds left for you. Grab it before it's gone or you know what's gonna happen.

BEWARE. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

2007-03-01T09:29:00.000+08:00

=)))

Check, i'm happy. Ohhhhhhh boy.

I love you Mr. Bang-Bang.

And for the record, RONALDO IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE ELSE. He is staying in United now, and he will for as long as i live.

Hmph.

2007-02-27T16:16:00.000+08:00

"Nanti pat camp i kol u uh. Camner nak tido kalau tak dgr ur voice sey. Nanti i book out, kiter pi pangkeng k..."

Pangkeng kepala otak kau, Andy. Pelangkong nak?

Yes, he laughed and claimed he was just kidding...but i'd rather he joked about getting caught then joked about pulling me into those sinful acts anymore. I wanted our relationship to be pure, and i've seen how he tried so hard to make it tat way. I've seen his friends posting comments to his profile, asking where he'd disappear. I'd seen him break his sim card into two just to lose all contacts. I've seen his boys coming up to me asking, "Beng dah tukar hp eh? Atau dah kener tangkap sak dier?" And i've definitely seen him sober enuf each time to convince me that he's stop drinking.

Still, i don't trust myself enough to trust him. He's like er...biskot chips more, you noe. Sejap ader, sejap takder. =X

And like nizzie said...i've never experienced the whole boyfie-going-off-for-ns-slash-reservist shit. So i was clinging to my handphone 24/7, hoping he'd somehow call.

He did. But it's not enough. I'm gonna miss him like shit.

ANDY I HATE YOU FOR TORTURING ME WITH YOUR NON-EXISTENCE.

I love my boob-thinking girlfriends. And i wanna ride Ab's bike again.

Book out soon lahhh d. Wan me to die izzit?

2007-02-26T22:03:00.000+08:00

RULES: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks.

1. I have a fetish for vampires. I dunno how many times i've said this. I think vampires are hot, vampires are mysterious, vampires are sexy and vampires are the next big thing after Harry Potter dies (trust me, he will). And just for the record, i have fangs. See for yourself.

2. I wake up at four a.m every morning without fail. No matter what time i slept the night before, i'll still wake up at four. But whether or not i fell asleep again after that is a whole new different story.

3. I am currently in love with Gatsby hair gel. The smell makes me wild with desires, weaken my every senses and drive me drunk with insanity. Yea, go figure.

4. I don't want kids to ever grow up. Look at nadhirah...it scares me what she'll turn out to be. And look at Siti...she'll mature, not knowing what dangers lurked out there for her. Ica jager uh anak kau, sial...

5. I love staring at people's eyes. Especially beautiful gorgeous dark eyes. Mesmerizing...

6. I think Portugese who tried to speak english are way way sexy. HAHAHAH. In other words, i love Cristiano Ronaldo so much that the whole world knows about it.

7. I don't like kites. When i was a kid, i used to think they're some big birds that would swoop down and eat up little girls. I realise it's not true, but i still hate kites.

8. I cry when people cry. Really. Try me.

9. Everytime i walked pass a crowded place alone, i would pretend to talk on the phone. Hah. Tell me you don't do that as well. LIAR.

10. I relate everything i see to the Harry Potter world. Once i decided to sneak into Wild Wild Wet using the Marauders' Map.

my six people :
Niz
Fatt
Fatz
Min
Cristiano Ronaldo
Fernando Torres
(Okayyy...so i dun have six people. Big deal.)

2007-02-25T11:23:00.000+08:00

When you turned 18, you desire many things. You desire the fact that you're gonna be upgraded from NC-16 to M-18. You desire to go clubbing without having to worry of any age limits whatsoever. You desire to be seen as a young adult, not an ignorant adolescense anymore.

Me? I desire to get a bike license.

I must admit that i wasn't so keen a few months back. Furthermore, the news about Abg Redhuan and his friend got both Ab and I rooted to the ground. Ab was stunned, i could clearly see, but that didn't stop him from sending me home (something convinced him that i was gonna be kidnapped on my way home if he didn't send me himself. What the hell Ab). And trust me, when i got on his bike, the rush and adrenaline i felt was enough to make go insane with ideas. I want a bike, and i want a bike NOW.

Andy would object; his experience with motorcycles hadn't exactly been the most wonderful, but he occasionally get rides from Hood...so i'm pretty sure he'll understand. Even if he dun approve, Ab would still push me to get a license.

"Tak pasal ah u. Nanti dah dapat lesen, you boleh bawak my KR."

Yar right Abdillah. Need i remind you the time where you almost got into depression because our pay was three days late, and you didn't have the money to rescue your dearest KR from the workshop? Need i again explain that you lived and breathed your darling bike because you just simply can't go anywhere without it?

"Ey nampak sah kan. Abeh nak antar order takkan nak naek basikal, takkan nak pinjam moto rider laen. I love my KR man...my baby, my second wife, you noe."

"Uh huh. And who's the first?"

"You ah."

=) Tsk tsk.

SMOOTH TALKERS ARE DANGEROUS.

2007-02-23T08:01:00.000+08:00

I wanted PROTEGE to be a smack in his face - and boy, am i glad i wasn't disappointed. Although i must admit that i spent half the time watching him, instead of the show, the remorse coming subtly from within him was worth the 7.50 i paid for. He squirmed silently at certain scenes, winced and cringed to himself at others, while occasionally gving me cute glances and asking me if i was cold. He thought he could hide his discomfort...but too bad, his eyes were clear panes of delusion. I saw right through him.

We were silent for a few moments when we walked off; he took my hand, gripped it and not speaking a word even as we descended the escalator. Then out the building, he reached for his cigarette, light it up, looked at me and went, "Bagos eh criter dier."

Ah. I was waiting for that. A harmless passing comment no doubt, but i know there were a lot of thoughts put into phrasing it that way. And i could see that he was more reassuring himself than me, when he said, "Spore ketat lah u. Maner senang sey kalau kiter org nak buat operation openly. Lagipon i dah nak stop per, slowly ah. Asalkan u trust me, i surely tinggalkan kejer haram nie. But you kener stand by me uh...u will right?"

Yes I will, Andy dear. And that's a promise of a lifetime i've just made.

A lifetime. I wish it wasn't that long. I've been doomed to making stupid irrational decisions, and this past few weeks have been proofs. It crushed me and hurt me like hell to see how much i've pained Yanto - the only guy i thought i loved. But he himself told me i'm strong, so i must be strong and stick to my decision and not turn back.

You may call me selfish, but personally i think i've gain the right to be selfish. I was never before. I was always the extra-nice girlfriend that pretended to get mad when he's late, but just melt at the sight of him. I was always the one to make the first move, the one to msg first, knowing that if i dun msg, he'll never call. I was always the one sharing my problems and bitching about anything with him, while he tends to push me aside and rather be alone when he's down. I was always the one to patiently wait a whole eight hours for him, when he, on the other hand, got mad after waiting just 20 minutes for me. Yes, i have always been a great girlfriend. So for once, i think i've earn the right to be a selfish one.

I'm sorry i had to do this. I'm not proud of myself. In words of dear dear Abdillah, "Dorang pikir dorang sumer heart-break, abeh kiter enjoy kaper? What the fuck sey...sumer org pon penah heartbroken jugak. Taknak heartbroken, dun fall in love ah." =) Hear, hear. Thanks Ab.

*inhale*

Ab's words help me stay strong for Andy but it's just so sad to hear him retorting, "Biar kiter susah sekarang, jgn susah kemudian." Coming from him, it means the world to me. Why do people misjudged and prejudged without a basis? What happened to fairness and equality?

Yesterday before i leave, he called me his "dear lovely wife". =) Sure we're gonna have kids that has a mixture of chinese and japanese...but oh God, please don't let him tempt me like that.

Please. His Gatsby hair-gel smell was already enough to drive me crazy.

*exhale*

2007-02-21T15:44:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year smells money for me. Been working my butts off to get all the double pay possible. I intend to buy a new phone with my next pay. Insyallah.

A lot has happen these few weeks, and to blog it all down would mean having to feel the pain all over again. No way. I'm glad there are people out there who cares about me, and wanna help me through this shit. Thanks to my lovelies - Niz, fAtt, Min, my smoochie moochie baristas - Sab, Adam, Fadhil, Abdillah *hugs*, and my family for being able to take my mind off things - kak, i'm okay kak. I'll take care of myself, i promise. I wun add more problems to the family.

I'm still confused. And only time will tell. I know he hasn't given up. But neither has he or he. All of them are just as determined as the other. Sigh.

I love you.

If only i know who's the 'you' i'm talking about.

This sucks.

2007-02-18T10:13:00.000+08:00

"Anak kiter u...nanti macam jepon. Like the mother. So cute."

PLS STOP TORTURING ME LIDDAT.

2007-02-14T15:21:00.000+08:00

Andy, if you're reading this.

Please stop playing games with me. I trust you. You break that, and you break everything.

I'm not doing this for you, okay. I'm doing this for us. Please. Keep whatever you've promised. That's all i ask for. You have no idea how much i've sacrificed. And i dun intend to tell you just yet.

I only want one thing i want from you. And u know what that is.

2007-02-11T13:15:00.000+08:00

I shall stop laughing now. Oh hell.

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Sheesh. Fazrul Fazrul. *shakes head* What the hell, Fazrul Nawas? Cute though, but so irritatingly stupid. Hahahahaha. "Long, Mr. Sexy Striker kaperrr?" HAHAHAHA.

K lah. I know you wanna say "wateva". Go ahead. I'm laughing so hard, my nose hurts. Though i dunno why.

Mr. Sexy Striker. *melts*

2007-02-08T20:51:00.000+08:00

I typed a 17th paragraph blog entry for the 'I am @ Youth.sg' contest and it went ZAP. Just like that. I do not know what happen and now thinking about it, i do not want to know.

If i feel like it, maybe i'll try re-posting it all. IF being the huge keyword, okayy.

I guess you can't really have your cake and eat it too. Poor Fazrul and friends. Well, do not worry boys. There's always the second leg. You'll crash Fatt's decesdants by then okay? I'll pray for you lot. IY (yes, the initials just GOTTA stay), Amri, Isa, and dear dear sexy Fazrul, keep the Lions faith boys.

For now, i have to will myself to study. So until the next Portugal friendly or Man Utd match, i might abandoned this site for a little while.

So long toots. Quit smoking kays.

2007-02-07T12:51:00.000+08:00

PORTUGAL WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Boo to Brazil. Booo boooo.

Ahak. No other words to express my joy. Simply totally speechless. MY CAPTAIN CRISTIANO RONALDO WAS BRILLIANT!

AH. I love Portugal. And I love Ronaldo.

And i seriously need to study.

2007-02-06T21:31:00.000+08:00

Sheesh. They brought the Cup back for you, you know. Couldn't you give them a break? Honestly.

My poor boys. Up against Pakistan tomorrow. No rest at all. Good luck Fazrul, Amri, Ismail and Isa. Have fun, play clean and drink lots of fluid.

Now i need to study. Dun disturb me, please Ronaldo. Please please.

2007-02-05T17:45:00.000+08:00

Wad an irony.

My Red Devils was heavenly yesterday. Man Utd 4 - 0 Spurs. That's a total laugh in the faces for whoever that was at WHL. Giggsy, Vidic and Scholesy was absolutely brilliant. While of course Ronaldo, as usual, did what we all expected of him. The press call it "diving" and "cheating". I call it "magic". =) Happy 22nd birthday btw, dear. May your birthday be blessed with many many more goals for Manchester United.

And hoo-haaa. JOY TO THE WORLD.

Yesterday, Singapore made my heart stopped. When Amri scored that beautiful goal that left the whole Thailand supporters as still and silent as a pindrop, i jumped in exhilaration and scraped my knee in the process. (Coffee tables are dangerous. Such sharp ends they have.)

But that didn't stop me from watching my dearest Lions celebrate Amri's amazing goal. Proved to be a wise thing to do (rather than marching off to the toilet to wash my bruised knee) because i spotted Baihakki, who was warming up behind the goalpost, ran while shouting like some mad man, evidently absolutely delighted at that late late goal. He could have jumped over that sponsors board and into the pitch if he had willed himself further, i'm sure. But what more could i ask for. Amri scored to put the Lions in the lead on aggregate, and i saw Baihakki during match play even when he wasn't in the first 11, nor the subbed in. *big grin*

But when Amri's shocking features was shown upon his goal ("Aku score! Kau nampak tak?! AKU! AKU YANG SCORE!" - well, i think that was wad he shouted to Alam Shah), the young player was caught looking flabbergasted, before he buried his face in his hands, and broke down into tears. The amazing thing is, when Amri cried, i cried too.

Okay no. Not really. But my eyes did have a stinging feeling and got all teary suddenly.

In the words of the one and only Eric Cantona, "Play from the heart, my brothers. Play beautiful football." What i saw during the AFC finals yesternight wasn't what i would call beautiful football exactly. Compared to the likes of international football squads such as Man Utd, Arsenal and Liverpool, Singapore is not even remotely close. Those England squads play what we call beautiful football. But knowing the standards of our Asean counterparts, what the Lions showed yesterday was our very own Asean version of BEAUTIFUL FOOTBALL.

The starting eleven didn't really compromise of the best players in the squad. Yet i'm sure Raddy has his reasons. Dickson did not showed as much as class as we expected of him, but i guess he didn't get to play so often that he kinda gets nervous at time. Aide was an absolute disaster to the defence. And yet, Thailand couldn't get through more than once. So still, i applaude captain Aide for the determination and attempts.

So many things happen. Alam Shah forgot everything he learned at his Anger Management class and went on a tackle frenzy at the Thais. Amri got headbutted by a frivolous Thai player, but the referee let the guy off. Ridhuan ran halfway to defend his fellow team mate, trying to show the referee that he should have gotten a yellow card. The same Thai player then stirred things up even more and got Indra a yellow card for butting in. The star striker wasn't even playing you know. Mani got his chance and his dreams fulfilled on international level, before he retire. Everything went well and Singapore got to keep our defending champions title.

LIONS totally roared yesterday. How i wished the match was at National Stadium instead so we can catch an actual Kallang Wave, and not those scewed-up waves the Thais tried to imitate.

Congrats to Alam Shah for winning the Golden Boot and the MVP. Your children must be proud of their dad. =) And to my two favourite players in the national squad, number 2 and number 6 - Ridhuan and Baihakki - you were the bomb. Ridhuan, with speed like that, you can give Ronaldo a run for his money. (Or maybe not. Sorry. My Cris is world class standard okayyy). And Bai, though you didn't play, the well-being of the squad is much more important than fulfilling your own desires to play first team? Right young captain?

So many more great talents Singapore can nurture. With luck, opportunity, hard work and Allah's blessings, the champions of the AFC 2007 might just find themselves on the road to a World Cup dream. InsyaAllah.

Now Lions dear, balek Spore, kiss your wives, give your children big big hugs and sujud syukur k?

Those unmarried ones...you are welcomed to kiss me. ^_^

2007-02-04T23:20:00.000+08:00

Allah is Almighty He gave me so many achievements in such a short time.

Number One) I finally mastered the spelling of Ole's name. SOLSKJAER. S-O-L-S-K-J-A-E-R. Hey, it's one of the proudest moments in my life okay. I could chant the spelling 50 times around the bonfire, just to prove how much hard work it took to ge that freakin spelling right.

Number Two) School's over. Study Week's here. And exams will be over soon. Joy to the world.

Number Three) AIDE AND THE BOYS (sound like a boyband) have made me and Singapore proud once again! Wa caya sama lu lah LIONS! I love all of you. Sigh. My first love, even before Manchester United came into my life. =)

OLE OLE OLE OLE. Okay. So happy. I cried when Amri cried. Will blog in details tomorrow. Forza Lions. You made the whole Singapore so freaking proud today.

Goodnight. Sawadeeka.

2007-02-02T23:45:00.000+08:00

Attention. If you've ever used the phrases "nobody cares", "darkness", "despair", "I'm all alone" or "fallen angel" in blog entries...if you've ever tried to compose a poem and then cracked your brains trying to figure out what rhymes with "cut" and "blood"...if your friendster profile name is "EmoKid"...worse still, if you're a 13, 14 or 15 years of age and you have no friends...

...this one's for you.

First things first: STOP IT, ALREADY. It's great that you've been blessed with the gift to expertly handled your keyboard and thus were talented enough to blog about your daily life. Yet you lucky bastards used the piece of technology to rant out on how you should kill yourself or maybe put a bullet through your head. Yes, yes, i'm a culprit too (although i dun quite remember blogging anything about wanting to shoot myself dead)...but shit happens during your bad days. But that can't mean everyday can it?

Except maybe if you're Iqbal or something. Hahahah. KIDDING. Come on, if you can go crazy over some bananas, apples, dragonfruits, oranges and then keep sighing til Ming Jie's and Ben's flowers wilt, surely you can take a harmless joke. =D By the way, BENEDICT TAN WEN XIANG, happy 18th birthday! Promoted from NC-16 to M-18. Finally huh? Bought your 4d yet?

Anyway, back to my emo friends. Sad guys and girls, you're not all alone. There's like, thousands of you, just on this quaint little corner of cyberspace. And you're driving the rest of us nuts. What ever happened to the good old flame tags? I used to get them all the time (You know, "Your going to hell, you filthy atheist!" or "Your writing sucks!" or even "Fuck off you emo blogger! What's your problem with life?").

Lately, the only reviews that emo bloggers get are: "I loved your latest entry! It was deep and it touched me! - EmoMistress23"
Or, maybe: "Always keep believing in yourself sweetheart. Things will get better. - IceQueen45"

Sorry newsflash. Things WON'T GET BETTER. Unless we tell this emo kids, "You still alive? I thought you were gonna kill yourself last week?" or maybe "Come meet me tomorrow. I can kill yourself for you."

And i think either i'm watching too much football or i'm missing my darling (HAPPY 1ST YEAR, btw sayang. I love you yesterday, today, tomorrow and everyday. ^_^ To many more years for us...) crazily that i decided to blog about something which might not affect the society in such a huge way, anyway. So yeah, you know what? I think you should go and watch replays of Spore vs Thai or highlights of Man Utd vs Watford instead.

Speaking of which, i wanna stand up and salute the Laos team. Why? Because despite losing 11-0 to the Lions, they stood up and fight, no matter how detached they are. Look at the Thais. It's just a freaking penalty and you throw a tantrum. What a shame. And to think Thailand is considered the best in the Southeast Asian region.

All the best Raddy, Aide, Indra, Alam Sah, Baihakki, Fazrul, Amri, Ridhuan, Precious, Daniel, Fariq, Jia Yi, Hassan, Itimi, Ismail, Shahril, Hafiz, Isa and Noh. Did i miss anybody? Well, whoever you are, keep fighting in Bangkok. Our prayers are with you guys. Show those Thaksin pussies the Tiger behind every Lion. =)

And once again to those emo kids, go watch football, might clear your mind a little.

P.S: Now please don't cut yourselves after reading this. And if there actually is a frienster profile called "EmoKid", and if it's yours, i'm truly sorry. This isn't about you.

Well, not personally atleast.

2007-02-01T09:18:00.000+08:00

Somebody told me that if my blog were used as a substitute for a commentator, i'd make millions.

I wish to humbly correct that certain person. If my blog were used as a substitute for a really really extremely bias commentator, i'd make zillions.Ah yes, i'll be so super filthy rich that i'll buy Lionel Lewis for Manchester United, and Cristiano Ronaldo for Singapore Lions. And watch the football world go on a transfer frenzy.

No, dun tell me. I've realised that i've been a one-day-late commentator for every bit of the Asean Football Championship. And yes, i'm tired because there's nobody to pay me or give me chocolates. Then again, writing isn't a chore. Not to me atleast. Studying is...and everything that happens around and inside the lecture theatres. Hmph. If the Lions retain their championship title, can i quit school? PLEASE LAH. CHEEBAI AH.

I hate everything about school. Except maybe those morons who entertain me everyday. =) Apart from them, and apart from the fact that i get to meet darling dear after schoool, i dread even the thought of stepping into the buildings of Ngee Ann Poly.

That aside, FORZA LIONS! Was at the stadium with Akak, Muntaz, darling, Hafiz, Lalat, Farhan & friends, Abg Azry, Abg Izad, Harith and Abang. Saw Niz, Fatz, Mirul and a whole lot more people. Football is LOVE man. It brings the world together. =) And boy, yesternight was a night of pure football.

I think it was bad luck for Aide to cut his hair. Look what happened yesterday. Along with hair went his form. Poor form captain. Aide Iskandar was a nervous wreck yesterday. Baihakki didn't play, to my horror and Shahril Ishak came in some minutes after half-time (HMPH! HAPPY AH TU FATT. BENCI I! =P). Ridhuan a.k.a Balut was the bomb yesterday. Great play my man. Though when we spotted him with an injury, i was wishing for Hafiz O in...only to realise the guy is also injured. So there came Shahril with trademark yellow boots. Which Amri stole. Hahah. I thought Raddy was wrong to put Amri in and Indra out. Indra was in a silently good form where his tendangan maut nearly passed out a Thai player when Indra's ball hit him squarely. Furthermore, Alam Shah was great with Indra! Amri was so weak i think he fell down more than six times on the pitch. The Gaffer should really offer some substitution skills to Raddy. Look what Super-Subs (Solkshjae....ARGH! Ole Gunner howeveruspellhislastname, i mean) Sir Alex mould.

All in all, i thought the Lions ought to be congratulated for remaining so composed despite the drama and mind games those Thais stir up.

Thailand, go home and play ping-pong okay? You guys just disgraced asian football. No sportmanship what-so-ever. I'm sure Singapore didn't deserve that penalty because apparently Alam Shah fell down himself. BUT WHAT THE HELL. Respect the referee's decision. It's football after all. If you're gonna be sore losers and have a walk-over, go play carom.

Damn. I wish they did walk-over. Then 3-0 to my Lions. BAEK SINGAPORE!

I'm praying for their safety at Bangkok. Something tells me the Thai players along with their supporters are gonna play dirty. All the best to Raddy, Aide and gang. Bacer doa banyak2 dalam plane k? Singapore's 17683% behind you. Forza Lions.

And now i have to will myself to study because exams are coming. Tell you what. If Singapore win, i'll study. Fairplay ah. Set?

No? Alah. Okay how bout this, if Man Utd win, i'll study?

Oh wait. They ALREADY WON. 4-0 vs Watford. HAHAHAHAH. That's the way my Devils...Ronny i love so muchy muchy much. =)

Ok ok. I'll go study, provided i find my books. Sawadikap.

2007-01-28T11:31:00.000+08:00

They wore blue.

I repeatedly blog again and again for them not to wear their new blue jerseys at the returning leg. I have explained excruciatingly yet again why blue isn't patriotic enough, and how blue isn't on our national flag and how blue doesn't symbolise anything in particular relating to Singapore. I have shown the bad luck Chelsea and Man Utd crashed with upon slipping on jerseys that are blue in colour. But do the Lions listen? No. They still wore blue yesterday, and they still won.

*grins*

But then again, i doubt any of them read my blog. Hell, i doubt anyone of them will even get remotely close to reading blogs. Not when they spend almost 15 hours everyday training for the ASEAN FOOTBALL CHAMPIONSHIP. And boy, the trainings do pay off don't they? Because if i were to describe the national stadium yesterday in one word, it'd be DEAFENING.

It really was. The impending kallang wave signalled by the storms of feet, the chants of "ole ole ole" and every other screams of "buto" followed by "come on Lions" and the ever-present "BOTAK BODOH!" everytime Malaysia's Hardy Jaafar got the ball at his feet. Even at National Day Parade you wouldn't be able to find such patriotism.

And thanks to Lionel Lewis (best keeper in Asia, in my opinion), MY DEAREST LIONS MADE IT TO THE FINALS!

Ridhuan was in his best form, and although Baihakki seemed unfocused, i thought he did a good job as Aide's replacement. And captain of the day, Indra did all he could to spur the team on when we were down 1-0. Jia Yi was the man of the match , in my eyes and Fariq's comeback was absolutely brilliant. Alam Shah maintained his cool while Amri did his best. Subs Fazrul and Md Noh did their work and Benett together with Precious held the defence together. Hafiz and Isa played fairly, having the other experience players pushing them to the extends. All in all, i should really go up to Coach Raddy and shake his hand. Congrats Lions.

I think the sea of red at Kallang really shook the whole stadium. A tiger behind every Lion? More like a crazy stampede of giant elephants. Lol. Malaysia's first eleven and their yellow supporters were either intimidated or irritated. But i like to think they're both. Serve them right for booing our national anthem back at Shah Alam. HAH. IN YOUR FACE. MALAYSIA BOLEH?

Bolehhh. Boleh blah.

We crashed our derby rivals and i haven't been more proud of the boys as i am at the moment. But my heart might be broken if the finals were to be held at Thailand (provided they win). Please let the finals be in Singapore? Please please please please please please please please. I would give up my Ronaldo pillow for the finals to be held at the National Stadium. Okay NO. JUST KIDDING. Give up MY Ronaldo? Sheesh. NEVER.

But doesn't matter. Alhamdullilah. We still got into the final and may we retain our championship. Wear blue for all i care. No matter what colour, i'll be cheering you boys on til my throat get hoarse.

ROAR LIONS ROAR. Singapore's hearts are all with you. (That's about 55,000 hearts beating for you. Should keep you more than just alive in a full 90 minutes eh?)

Lions? Come on. Do Fandi proud.

2007-01-25T13:01:00.000+08:00

I think Aide's face will forever be sketched in my mind. The captain's expression will be in my memories and whenever i picture it, my heart will go out to him.

A classic expression. The face of detachment. The face of horror and the beaten. The crushed and broken dreams of a captain. The face of a dismissed, of someone who's damned and not given any reason why. The face greeted by disaster and frivolous fears. The face of one so -

Okay Id, stop it. This is not an essay-writing competition nor is it a drama analysis. It is merely plain, plain FOOTBALL.

But still, poor Aide Iskandar. And im convinced that Alam Shah is mental. One minute he was cursing and yelling and whoever that frigging Malaysian is, the next minute he's laughing and patting the guy on his shoulder. It's almost like "EH SIAL REFFFFF! HE PUSH ME AH REF. PURPOSELY! YELLOW CARD REFF! Eh, maen2 jer lah. Aper kabar? Mak baek? Banjir amaciam?"

=)

I hope we get a win for the second leg. Not sure if i'll be present to watch it live. But i'll sure be behind the Lions all the way.

Just one thing though. Please don't wear blue?

iwatchedsaw3alreadydarlinggggg.wahahahah.

2007-01-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

Thierry Henry is lucky he's somewhat cute. Fabregas and Van Per Sie are lucky charming dudes as well.

If not....

I'd have shoot the whole Arsenal squad down with a senapang gajah for that win over Man U.

Hmph. I still love my Red Devils.

And Singapore will be facing Malaysia at Shah Alam tomorrow, not Bangkok. Haha. Stupid Newspaper gave wrong info. Anyway, Lions dearest, please wear white tomorrow. Please please chuck your blue jerseys under the bed. I have a bad feeling Singapore is gonna lose if we wear blue.

Look what happen to Chelsea and Man U when in blue.

Sigh.

2007-01-19T22:06:00.000+08:00

I AM @ YOUTH.SG

If I had my way, I'd change the theme to "I am @ MISUNDERSTOOD Youth.Sg." Translate that to plain Singaporean English, the one language we speak better than profanities, it simply means that ... aiyah! I am a poor, unloved, 'nobody-cares-nobody-gives-a-shit-to-try-and-understand' teenager born in Singapore loh.

Woah. Classic. The ever-present "loh" in our daily conversations - the pride and joy of Singapore's infamous Singlish. Everybody seemed to be using it; you try speaking to your friends with prim and proper English and I'll bet you they'll stare as though you had acorns growing out of your ears. But why are we youths always the victims? Why are we always the targeted generation?

Wonderful, wonderful homo sapiens, please, I beg you, please, GIVE US A BREAK.

When i edited this photo, it was because i find those eyes pretty, not because i was trying to prove a point that the public should try to view things in a youth's perspective...

Sometimes though, we can't fully blame the public. Not when almost 1 out of every 3 teenagers' blogs are filled with self-pity along the lines of "maybe I should commit suicide" or "I am nobody's child" or the ever-so-cliche, "life sucks. like vacuum."

Okay, I added in the vacuum bit myself.

The point is, youths, especially Singaporean youths, are seen to be nervous wrecks, roaming disasters and ticking time bombs. The public definition of youth.sg screams "Living Catastrophes That Intend to Destroy the Society Unless They Get Atleast 5 As in their O-Levels."

My definition of youth.sg however is "Misunderstood Souls Not Seen as Humans Unless They Are In A Top JC, with Top O-Level Results, and A Minimum of 50 Dollars in Their Pocket At Any One Point Of Time."

Something tells me that the dictionary won't really approve of my definition, but then, nobody uses dictionary anymore do they?

I Am @ Youth.SG. Hmmmm. Am I really?

No JC would ever grant me admission (I have a life-long grudge with books, numbers and anything that requires memorising work), but I am definitely happy being in Poly, doing something which polishes my talent and passion.

I do not have top O-Level results (I fell asleep half-way while attempting to remember what day, which month and which year exactly Adolf Hitler gained his power), but I got enough to help me pursue what I wanna do in the future.

50 dollars in my pocket? Far from it.

So what makes me a YOUTH.SG?

MY PASSION.

Not just any passion. It's my undying passion to show how youths are so miserably misunderstood that I could well be an ambassador for the 'See Youths, See Angels' campaign. Now THAT is truly a Singaporean youth. Never say die. Even when you do know for sure that you're dying in less than 4 and a half minutes. People call it ego and pride. I say it's PASSION.

My band, TKBand, showing the true epitome of what pride means...

So I declare myself a true blue Youth.SG. I have the passion to pursue. I really do. You have no idea how badly I need a laptop at the moment.

2007-01-19T11:04:00.000+08:00

I didn't win Speech Craft, but my favourite snoopy-stud got it. I couldn't think of anyone else that deserve it as much as Bala did. The dude just deserved it after giving us all tons of laughter. It was all fun and no thank you Ngee Ann for the LKY biography. Couldn't you get me David Beckham's instead? Sheesh.

Now that aside, two days ago was like heaven raining on Earth.

It's as though i'm brought back to some kind of outdoor Display Band competition. Except it's much more violent, much more noisy, much more crazy and a little bit less packed. But the patriotism is always there. Even as i walked out of the stadium, the ringing of Kurt Angle's infamous "Oh Oh Oh Oh Hey Hey Hey GOODBYEEEEE GOODBYEEEE" is still ringing in my ears.

WOOO. Baihakki, you rock lah kae dude.

Er, okay. And to think he wasn't even in the match. Bet Raddy's regretting resting my dearest defender. Atleast Ridhuan played, now THAT totally compensates everything. But the defend is still not strong enough. They let Indo get possession too easily and made Lewis yelled at them like a mad man. Sometimes we wonder who's the captain. Aide must be wondering too.

And though it started not so well (what's with the rain and the big blue irritating umbrella whom the owner is just as irritating), it ended brilliantly. However proud i am of our great Lions, i'm even more proud of the supporters; my fellow Singaporeans. They never fail to stand up in anticipation everytime the ball gets near the opponent's goalpost. They never fail to go "BOOOOO" whenever the ball gets to a feet of a Indo, which they all then clap as soon as Singapore grabbed it back. They never fail to yell "REFEREEEE KAYUUUUUUUU. GOBLOK! REF SUB WITH ME AH REF! CONTACT LENSE KARAT AH REF! BAEK LIONEL! INDON BALEK BATAM AH!" every single minute i think.

=) Mane nye tak. The Thai ref actually allowed 12 Indo players on the pitch at one point time. The guys infront of me counted the heads conveniently for everyone around to hear, so we knew something was wrong. Tsk tsk tsk. Baihakki and Ismail Yunus should just run in and play as well.

*IMPORTANT. Ronaldo was here in Spore. YES. Ronaldo, Manchester United, Jersey number 7. CRISTIANO RONALDO SANTOS AVEIRO. He was a Singapore supporter at the match. I shall post the picture i took of him when my sis has decided to upload the pic into the comp. I'M NOT KIDDING. Okay, maybe i am. My Cris is in England, Old Trafford working his feet off for the showdown against Arsenal, and yet he managed to fly to Spore to see Aide and the boys play? HAHAHA. Wateva. Wait til you see the picture. Probably his late dad married a Spore woman and produced this boy or something. Cris dear, i just found your step-brother, will you marry me now?

Woots. Back to my LIONS. Alam Shah scored his 8th goal through a penalty which Indra got, and everybody started going "Ole ole ole oleee..." And there was this constant mini kallang wave. We drew 2-2 after the final whistle, but we got into the finals while Indo, true to the fan's words, "balek batam." That's when they all started chanting the "Oh Oh Oh Oh Hey Hey Hey GOODBYEEEEE GOODBYEEEE" towards the Indonesian supporters. I feel so proud to be a Singporean at the moment.

That was until i went to the mrt toilet after the match and overheard a conversation between two Indonesian girls.

"Orang nya Singapore lucu bangat. Semuanya jerit "ole ole ole". Kami di sini semuanya berselawat."

OUCH.

I still love my Lions. My Baihakki, Ridhuan, Indra, Shahril, Lewis, Fahrudin, Aide and even Coach Raddy. But sometimes we need to remind ourselves who it was that made it all possible in the end.

So together everybody, shout "LIONS ROAR" and "SINGAPORE ROCKS".

But let's not forget the 'Allah Hu Akhbar' and 'Alhamdullilah'.

2007-01-16T13:37:00.000+08:00

Maybe we should all be more optimistic. Maybe we shouldn't shun our fellow Lions to one side just because we're too preoccupied with EPL and Champions League. I mean as shitty as our local footballers are, thrashing Laos 11-0 is no mean feat. U dun come across such a laughable scoreline as Singapore had just done yesterday.

Eleven to Singapore. Nil for Laos. BAEK AH. MAEN BOLA KER BADMINTON SAK!?

Tsk tsk. A double hat trick + 1 from dear, dear Alam Shah and another four more coming from Ridhuan, Amri, Shahril and Dickson. If i were playing for Laos, i'd pretend to faint and hope that they'll carry me to the dressing room so i can cover my humiliation. Sheesh.

Captain for the day, Indra, could have made it to a 12, but i guess the star footballer would prefer to assist instead. Still, *salutes* U rock as always Indra. Shocking great play from newbies Hafiz Osman and Isa Halim. And Baihakki was looking greattttt. Hahaha. But as always, Alam Shah did stunningly BEAUTIFUL. *applause*

Now while everybody is waiting for the Man Utd vs Arsenal showdown, i'll be at one corner, hugging the Ronaldo pillow and watching Aide and his boys do MY country proud.

Go Lions go. Retain your defending champions title for the world to see.

Then maybe can go Beach Road makan sup tulang. Eh eh eh?

2007-01-13T21:58:00.000+08:00

L.A Galaxy sounds like a planet taken out of Star Wars. Or like a parody of Star Trek with hollywood stars casting. It could even be a Space Jam basketball team. Anything, in fact. Anything but an American football team.

Oh sorry, i mean 'soccer'.

What the hell Becks? L.A Galaxy? Who would have thought such a prominent name in English/Spain football would move to Hollywood to be with an American soccer club? Hell, we don't even know if that's really a soccer club. It sounds like a competitor to the Singapore Slingers instead, if you ask me. Oh shucks David dearest, bet you'll get more than just welcoming hugs from your future team mates. They'll probably throw a party across the continents in America just to celebrate your arrival in L.A. You'll be blushing to your nipples, im telling ya.

Sheesh Backs. 490,000 bux a week. I won't even get that after 3 years of working at McCafe. Okay, reality check. I won't ever get that amount of money, in a week. ANY week as matter of fact. Considering that our anniversary is coming, Valentine's day is coming, someone special birthday is coming...my money will probably be reduced to mere cents faster than you can say, "Cristiano Ronaldo Santos Aveiro, please marry me."

Ah football. Bliss. I'm currently sitting in front of my computer while both my brothers are at the national stadium watching our Singapore Lions up against Vietnam. Since i can't be there, my prayers are with the Lions. I wish Indra would work his magic as always. ROARRRRRRR.

I'm now more than just determined to name my son Indra. Tiara and Indra. Sounds like heaven kan darling kan? Please? You're lucky i decided Indra and not Cristiano or Fernando or Alex or Ole (i still have not mastered the spelling to his last name, so dun you ever prod me) or Alan or Paul or Wayne or Nemanja or *insert all the first name of Manchester United's squad down 'til the last reserved guy* Phew. So can we just have Indra?

=) Thank you. I love you. God bless you.

HAHAHAHAHAH. God bless you. I am suddenly reminded of my moon-nippled sister, dearest JeXx. And my wonderful star-nippled 'I love you BEY-BEE' sis, Dee. Crazy coconuts those two really are. If only Mad, Shawn and Izzat were there to add on to the craziness. But then some people always moved on in life faster than you can get a cab on Tuesday. Hmmm. No link there, but whatever.

God, help me keep my sanity.

And oh the horror, the results just came in. It's a draw for Singapore and Vietnam. =( I think i need to ask Raddy to call the Gaffer up for some coaching and managing skills.

But for now, i need to find my mind. I think i dropped it somewhere. Hmmm.

2007-01-09T13:44:00.000+08:00

"Id, aku jumpe dier nye superman boxers. Rindu ah. TAK. Bukan rindu dier. Rindu boxers dier."

The moment Farhan said that, i know what an ass he is. Though i felt a sinking feeling in my stomach when the topic of Fahrul is occasionally thrown in like that, i knew the guy didn't mean it. And i knew all he wanted was to see me smile. And i knew that if Fahrul was here, he'd killed Han for even touching his favourite boxers.

Rul, dude, i miss u man.

Black was saying something, but i wasn't listening. The last thing i knew, Yati was nudging me, bringing me back to earth. When i turned, there was this sense of dejavu. Under the block, all of us, im sure i've been here before. But then there was Fahrul. Him and his lopsided smile. Him and that takraw ball tucked possesively under his arm. Him and his "biol, sing me to sleep."

When nobody was paying attention to me, he'd be there. He'd call and go "matair kau dah msg? dah kol? belom eh? k, kau layan aku sampai dier msg or kol kau, then pastu aku disappear k." When i failed miserably in school, but pretended as though i dun give a shit, even though i actually did, he'd be there. He'd go "oi biol, kau nak jadi macam aku eh? kau jangan, one fahrul is enuf in this world."

=) Yes biol, one Fahrul is everything in this world.

Dear friend, i thought of you right now because i am alone at this very moment and there's no one to throw rocks at my window, calling me down. No one to start the engine of his bike and perah 7 times, signalling for me. No one to tell me that eventhough my bf seems busy wif other things, he will always be thinking of me deep inside. No one to make a dart board out of a Taufik Batisah poster and tell me that he could sing better.

I wish 3 years would pass quick. And i wish you would get out alive.

I'll bring you to meet my darling boyfriend who changed my life, Yanto. I'll bring you to meet my NP friends and maybe all my other friends and workmates too. I'll bring you to meet Nurul Idayanti Bte Syed Abdul Farhan, and her two crazy parents. And i'll return your boxers back okay.

Take care friend. God bless you.

2007-01-08T14:30:00.000+08:00

Larsson was the bomb. Ole proved to be the well-love supersub we all know. Ronaldo's in an amazing top form. Rooney need to get his head deflated so that he can score. Scholes showed why the midfield needs him badly.

And that ladies and gentlemen, summed up yesterday's match against Aston Villa.

Oh, i forgot. Ferguson's a genius. =) And i hope Terry never recovers so Chelsea can drowned in their own pitiful football. Poor Mourinho.

And Baihakki's waiting for me on the 13th.

Btw, well done Spore for the 4-1 against Philippines. See? Indra's still the best. Told ya.

Okay bye bye. Now my boyfriend's wating for me. Manchester United is love. Muah to you devils.

2007-01-04T11:34:00.000+08:00

Taufik and Hady is waiting for me at Orchid Country Club. Eh, Orchid or Orchard? HELL, who cares. Either way, they're both still waiting for me there. The problem, you ask?

I DO NOT HAVE 38 DOLLARS.

I have 30 cents though. Sigh. Is there no way to get passes so i can get in free? Maybe i can wash the dishes. Or clean the windows. Or take care of the reception. Or iron's Taufik's suit and groom Hady's hair. Or maybe i can pluck Orchids for the guests. (If it were at Orchid Country Club and not Orchard in the first place.) I can also sing for the RIA deejays and dance for WARNA.

ANYTHING. YOU NAME IT, I'LL DO IT.

But dun ask me to kiss Taufik. I'll take a photo, i'll have his autograph. But i wun kiss him. I will not risk having Ronaldo jealous. And then Yanto will kill both Ronaldo and Taufik.

Hady can kiss me though.

BUT FIRST! If i buy u a 30 cents lollipop, will you give me 38 dollars?

Whoever you are.

2007-01-03T17:23:00.000+08:00

"I'm done with you...get well yourself..."

True indeed. I have LONG been done with her. They say i shouldn't. They say I shouldn't wash my hands off my own family. GAH.

But if i don't, my family's gonna wash their hands off me, i'm telling ya. So might as well i do it first. I'm sick of it all. Everytime shit happens, i just walk away. Getting myself involve meaning doing something drastic, and i'm not about to ruin my life. Not because of her.

If i'm not human, if i dun have an ounce of feeling inside me, if my heart doesn't exist, if i'm not a Muslim, if murdering someone isn't a sin - i'd kill her. So that all the problems would end, and mommy won't cry again.

Astaghfirullah.

God grant me patience.

2006-12-30T18:24:00.000+08:00

If my pay don't reach 200 bucks on the 5th of Jan, i will steal 70849 curry sauce from the McDonald's kitchen and drown all my managers (both at Downtown and Shaw) in it until they're singing 'I'm Dreaming Of A Curry Christmas'.

I've been working my ass of these few days and i expect a reward. You hear me toots? Either you put between 190 to 250 dollars in my pay roll, or risked being beaten up by the whole of the Man U squad. Plus Fernando Torres. Plus all of KC's DJ Pelajars. Plus my friends and Israk (i couldn't get to go out with him and the girls, because YOU DICKHEADS MADE ME WORK). HMPH.

Anyway, hello to all you beautiful God's creations. What a bliss life we lead. It's amazing how despite all the turmoils happening across the globe, we managed to survive yet another year. 2006 will soon be gone, with the memorable events sketched inedibly in my mind. And 2007 is gonna here, all set and ready to turn me into another unexpected individual on the face of Earth. Alhamdullilah for this new year. Hopefully the world will be a much better place and hopefully we will eventually gain world peace. Insyallah.

EHEM. Told ya i should have joined Miss Singapore Universe.

=) Okay, okay. Don't puke. Hell, it's one of those things again. Those dreadful regretful moments of stepping into Ngee Ann Poly, which turn me into my run-off-the-mill evil, fantasizing twin sister. Sigh. I wish i would graduate fast. Wonder how KC survived Poly. Sheesh. Dun answer that KC. It's a rhetorical question.

I'm missing my boyfriend. And i'm trying to divert that missed energy into making little changes here and there at the RIA SKOOLZ friendster. Says Mister DJ KC, "make it more funky." Is orange funky enough for you? *shrugs* I was thinking of making a flash 'ENTER' logo before clicking into the profile, and maybe a marquee of words and pictures about SKOOLZ and KC floating all about the page. But then i remembered, it's FRIENDSTER. Customized background and post-up pictures are about so much you can do.

I wanna join Akademi Radio.

But first, this missing plague gotta go. YANTO, COME HERE RIGHT NOW AND GIMME A HUG BEFORE I DIE PLEASE.

2006-12-25T21:01:00.000+08:00

Today, i met Fionnuala. Pronounced like 'Fin-oo-la' just to clear that up. She's thin, with black hair tied up in a bun, amazingly resembling Popeye's wife, Olive, and she exists only in my imagination.

Or rather, she exists only after Farhan proudly declared that he was going to name his daughter that. Yes. Fionnuala. Whateva it means.

Being unschooled since Sec. 2, i can hardly blame the poor guy for picking out a strange slash weird plus totally inane name for his daughter. But then Yati, his two-year 10-pointer Republic Poly girlfriend, let the truth out. She was deadset on calling their daughter Natasha, which Farhan hated and wouldn't even consider.

Skinny Yati challenged him to find something better so he grabbed the Irish baby name book, opened it roughly at the middle and said something to the effect of: 'Ah. nie okay per. Laen and unique. Macam namer bunger.' The name in question was 'different' and 'unique' enough for Yati so that was the end of that row and their baby's fate was sealed.

Poor little girl.

Seventeen years from now, this beautiful little girl will grow up and be called Fionnuala. I can almost picture it. In practice people she meet would tend to squint at her, sort of shuffle around and say in a pensive voice 'Fiona?', hoping and praying that they've misheard the pretty young lady. If i were with her, I'd have to correct those people (sometimes two or three times) and reassure them that no, her parents don't hate her, they just wanted her to be 'unique'.

And that's the best case scenario i could imagine for the girl. Another favourite of mine (Nila's idea) is when she just told someone her name and they just give the look and wait for her to repeat her 'real' name. However, it's not uncommon for it to be accompanied by a particularly aggrieved (and often loud) 'What?!'. Once they've got over their disbelief the classic response goes something like this: while giving everyone around them 'she's a freak' looks they will say 'Oh well, that's very...different,' and walk away looking shell-shocked.

Luckily nearing Maghrib, i get to leave the insane conversation to get home before Whitney Houston scream at me. But when i punched in the next day for work and put on my McCafe nametag, the whole absurd name-thing came to me again. Imagine if Fionnuala had to wear a nametag during her first day in school. I could imagine the teacher saying in a world weary tone: 'Do you have a nickname?' Later in the week, after a few days of yelling 'Let's go Foo!' at her he finally attempted her full name and sent her off to lunch with a rousing cry of 'OK Vanilla!'

Farhan and Yati, your daughter will grow up to hate the both of you. So for the love of Christmas, just name her Hidayah will you? Name her something weird like Fionnuala, and just see what she'll turn out to be.

And i'm blogging that after five days the conversation has taken place. I was attached at Shaw for Christmas Eve (i love being back where i belong), i love my boyfriend more and more each day (you know i do), i made friends with KC's deejay pelajar, Amy and the soon to be deejay pelajar, Daya, i did a friendster account for the DJ Pelajarz and a forum too (djpelajarria.proboards98.com), i watched the most beautiful goal of the season from Paul Scholes (not to mention the two brilliant goals from darling Ronaldo), i finished my excruciating draggy duty at the Singapore Garden Festival....but...

I still think 'Fionnuala' is stupid.

2006-12-23T01:07:00.000+08:00

ATTENTION DJ PELAJARZ AND ALL PENDENGAR RIA 89.7FM/SKOOLZ!

Sounds as though i'm announcing something real big. Well, i am. Okay, maybe not so big to you, but it is to me. Whatever that means.

Anyway, to all my peeps out there, a friendster/blog/forum for DJ Pelajarz/Skoolz telah ditubuhkan, thanks to KC's acknowledgement of the idea i put just as snippet of a blog entry. So after KC has pestered me (okay, he didn't really PESTER. But i just like that word and i wanna use it. So, sue me) to do this web thingy for the DJ Pelajarz, i've done it. Still under contruction though, pardon me.

The URLs will be posted, as soon as Boss approved. Says Mister DJ KC.

So we wait. And wait and wait.

And wait wait wait wait. And wait.

But you can go listen to Taufik's 'Holding On' in the meantime though.

2006-12-20T12:09:00.000+08:00

But I know
It's the way that I must live
Even though
It's so unclear, so unfair
God I know
There's a path for everyone
I must believe and keep holding on
'Holding On' - Taufik Batisah

Now THAT is what i call inspirational. And after weeks of my non-existence in this blog, so much has happen. Well, actually not really. Except for that utterly disappointing performance by Man U during their match against West Ham, my world's been about the same. I still think Ronaldo should be president, i still crave to be a vampire, i still want Taufik and Hady to sing me to sleep, and i still love my boyfriend.

I got goosebumps listening to 'Holding On'. Something must be wrong if even Taufik Batisah can now give me chills. Oh well. Maybe it's because i have this feeling, like i miss a step or two on the stairs, when i passed Farhan my mp3 yesterday. Borrow it for a day, he says. Being a good friend that i am, sure why not. But Han, one scratch on it, and i'll make sure i transfer that scratch, thrice the length, on your insanely handsome face. You hear me buddy?

School's holiday here and i've been busy. With what, you ask? Beats me. Busy missing my darling, i suppose. Busy entertaining Hairul's crazy antics over the phone. Busy thinking when i'll get a new job with a higher pay. Busy worrying when school will end. Oh hell, believe it or not, i'm feeling all of that at the same time. And just because you people have a emotional range of a teaspoon, doesn't mean everybody does.

Jude Law is heaven. And Lord Voldemort rocks.

Speaking of wich, i can't wait for the next book. Harry Potter and the Day He Died. No MingJie, I'm kidding. I dunno the title. But i do wish that'll be it. Slytherin will take over the world. *evil laughter*

Okay. I'm gonna listen to 'Sesuatu Janji' now. Taufik has the knack for these things, haven't he?

Kwang kwang kwang.

2006-12-11T20:43:00.000+08:00

"You know that kid? Of course you do. Everybody knows that kid. And if you don't know that kid, anyone who does will be more than willing to tell you about that time that kid did that thing. Remember now? Right, that kid. Come on, you know who i'm talking about."

OKAY. Hold yer horses. Before you scream your heads off and maybe put a bullet through my heart while yelling "WHAT KID?", let me proudly announced that i overheard a conversation between two Poly lecturers...and yes you guessed it, that above is a snippet of their important little talk.

It makes you wanna turn around from the hot-scorching sun seat that you get at the bus stop and go, "Excuse me Madam, i don't think he knows what kid you're talking about. Why don't you try saying the name? And if you dunno, then maybe this kid isn't making as much impact in your live as he should have been to actually squeeze his way into your delicate conversation."

Alright. So maybe those words are too big for my mouth and unless i decided to put on my SpeechCraft personality back on track, i would rather be caught dead than saying all that to two grown up University (it just strucked me that they might have been from SIM instead of NP) lecturers.

Speaking of SpeechCraft, (just forget that "kid" story okay. It seemed like a better introduction anyway to the multitudes of complains about work at DownTown i actually had in mind to begin my entry with) i got into the finals. Okay go ahead, laugh. I will step on stage on 18th January, and faint. Ronaldo will be proud.

Speaking of which, (i know you realised that i like this 'speaking of' style of paragraphing. so do i. ^_^) CHELSEA ARE 9 SOLID POINTS BEHIND MY BRILLIANT RED DEVILS. The world is a beautiful place. God is fair. And Mourinho is sulking. *grins like crazy and waved man u's jersey around*

By the way, to all DJ Pelajars and listeners who are tuning in - ER? WHAT? Tuning? Pikir radio kape Id? Scratch that. Rewind. 908j8jjiue98490o914943jlekmlRT3Q6Y.,';p.'[];ll;5634fgeruyyhr.

By the way, to all DJ Pelajars and listeners who are reading right now, we should all unite and set up a 'DJ Pelajar' Blog or something. Or maybe a 'KC is the Champion' fanclub. Or maybe a 'SKOOLZ' website. Or, or maybe a 'Singapore Manchester United' fansite. OR! A 'Taufik-Hady-You-Rock-Let's-Support-Local-Music' fanbase. Okay. So i'm full of ideas. It's better than having my mind on food right? (OH COCONUT JELLIES ARE ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS.)

I love my boyfriend. I love God. I love my parents. I love Man U. I love RIA. I love music. I love Ronaldo.

And no, i dunno who that kid that lecturer was talking bout.

2006-12-05T21:17:00.000+08:00

Anda sedang mendengar RIA 89.7 FM bersama saya di dalam SKOOLZ...hanya untuk pelajarrrr..........!

Okay, i'm officially missing RIA. Sigh. I wanna go on air again.

Hady, sing me Merpati to sleep please. I wanna dream of Yanto and myself, on a faraway land where the sky turn strawberry ice-blended.

ERR.

Okay. Id, pegi tido go. Go go go go.

2006-12-05T14:58:00.000+08:00

I got Hady's album.

Yay to local music. =)

Now i'm off to do project. When i start blogging as usual again, it means school's over.

Taa. Play clean kiddos.

2006-12-01T17:32:00.000+08:00

"Id...will EAT you alive."

That's just cheesy okay KC. FACE IT. To you who claim that "kesian..kecik2 dah potek", i shall remember. And i shall bring it with me til that day i die. BUT. You know what KC? You still rock. =)

And yes, you dun have to say it. I know that was a super corny start for an entry about a day that's so incredibly, superfragilisticaliously exciting. But it's bursting to get out of me...and i somewhat promised KC and my listeners that i would blog about what happen at RIA yesterday. So here i am, succumbed to the floods of overwhelming adorable listeners tags, who all announced that i did great yesterday. Kepada semua pendengar ria, terima kasih atas sokongan anda. Appreciate it lots.

It was a toes-tinkling, hand-shaking kind of day yesterday. And though i didn't really show it, i tink even Yanto knows that i'm all nervous. And i tried to pretend it's all great, when my sis and i arrived at Mediacorp. But nothing should ever be called great when you got lost in the Radio Building and went round and round and round to realised it's already 7.45 pm. For the record, im supposed to be on air at 8.00pm.

BUMMER.

But we found RIA's konti soon enuff. It's a small space, but the decor and furnished are a bundle of joys. There's a row of lockers, one for each DJ i supposed. Shai had hers with pics of Anuar Zain all over. Fiza had hers with this really good quote, which i like very much, but soon forget the moment i went on air. KC had his with the words 'CHAMPION', 'DJ' and 'KC. Somehow, i was imagining that i would soon get one of those lockers. And yes, you guessed it, Ronaldo will get a huge portion of the space. =)

KC was all friendly and bubbly in this brotherly way. It made everything easier and somehow calmed my nerves. And oh. He was in pink, i repeat, KC WAS IN PINK. You know how much i adore men in pink. I remember seeing Ronaldo wore pink during an interview with MUTV. He was so sexy with -

Id, you're getting out of track.

Okay, back to the point. KC taught me that deejaying isn't just sitting in a konti with microphones and headphones on, and talking nonsense to entertain your listeners. It's so much more than that. You've got to entertain, inform, and even educate your listeners. You gotta say one thing, while doing another and while thinking about another - all at the same time. You gotta be spontaneous and fast enough to translate english to malay in a split second. You gotta do things impromptu. It's not as easy as it sounds.

It started well, and ended well. It was a hell lot of fun and i wanna do it again and again and again. Thanks RIA 89.7 FM for giving me this opportunity. And thanks DJ KC, for teaching me some basics. And thanks to all listeners of RIA who smsed, emailed and called in. With this, i wish for world peace.

Okay watever. HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY RIA!!!!!!!!!!

Photos will be posted in the next entry. If im not lazy. By the way, this isn't a death speech.

And oh. There's no such word as superfragilisticaliously.

DeeJay Id signing outttt. ASTALAVISTA BABEY.

2006-11-27T22:08:00.000+08:00

I bet Saha's drowning his sorrows down at the shower room of Old Trafford stadium at the moment.

Not that it's all that bad. Anybody can see that Man U dominated the game during the whole first half and Van Der Sar was brilliant. Giggs and Scholes did their part and darling Ronaldo was in top form with brilliant effort throughout the game. It's just sheer luck for Chelsea that the ball Carvalho headed decided to land on top of Saha's head and the poor guy then headed into the net, without even realising what just happened.

The Blues have Saha to thank for that draw. No good my man. But we still love you.

And to whoever that tried to bring my Ronaldo down *cough* *ashleycole* *cough* *cough* SHAME ON YOU.

And did you all see Mourinho sulking when Saha scored the first goal of the match? It's as though someone stole his lollipop. =)

Sigh. Sad. Man U could have scored a dozen more goals. But i guess will make do with this draw. We're still on top, anyway. *peace sign*

And oh, one last thing. To those who care, tune in to me, this thursday during SKOOLZ at 8pm on RIA 89.7 fm. No kidding.

CIAOZ.

Mydarlingboughtmeacreativebutistilllovehimevenifheonlyboughtmethatcandle. Muacks.

2006-11-25T11:38:00.000+08:00

I am now officially the proud owner of Taufik Batisah's All Because Of You Album.

Courtesy of my sis. Thanks kak. And courtesy of my darling, i had a wonderful birthday. Thank abg. (Deatils not included for personal purposes. HAHAHAH.)

By the way, 3/4 of the songs on the album was arranged, composed, produced and written by Taufik himself. And of cuz, he sang them all too. If that's not talented, i dunno what is. *salutes*

Next stop: Hady Mirza.

If i could choose again, i'd still choose you.

2006-11-20T19:11:00.000+08:00

For four wholesome inane years, i have been a Pure Literature student. I still remember vividly that being a Lit student, you tend to look at things in a much more weirder point of view. Months ago, Fahrul and I (way way way before he got behind bars of course) were talking about BLACK and WHITE. To the moron, he was sarcastically taunting Aiman, who is in his own words, "hitam masam masam manis okayyyy". To me however, i've just been brought back to my years in Literature class.

I remember that I stumbled upon these impressive words of a Victorian Philosopher once during a research; "Oh black, thou art so white." A famous Edwardian Author also said that "were black not white, the stars themselves would cry." But if i were to give a speech with those references in front of my current class, 99% of them would fall asleep while that 1% (most likely Jun Chen, i guess) would raise up his hand and piped up, "Black and White like Micheal Jackson ah?"

If you know me well enough, you would know that i'd straight away get into a topic about Micheal Jackson. But i won't do that today. Why? Because today's WAHYUNA'S BIRTHDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDDDDDAAAYYYYYYYYYYY! (Don't worry, i do not have an idea to connect you with Jacko in any way. I just wanna start my birthday wish a little different. Or rather a little weird. And yes, strange too i suppose.)

Talking about strange, (have you realise that my coherence i really good? HA. HA. HA.) yesterday i just witnessed the strangest soccer match ever. I've never seen such a great chemistry and humour between two teams in a tournament before. I'm still trying to imagine what Manchester United would say if they see Van Der Sar scoring a goal like how Raden, Yanto's team's goalkeeper, did. And I bet darling Ronaldo would be proud of Iryani, their ego could clash anytime. And Amat is by far is the only footballer i know that has the ball as his battery. When the ball isn't at his feet, he'd be slacking inside, i repeat, INSIDE, the goal post. Ladies and gentlemen, i proudly present to you, Singapore Football. =)

And lambs, guess what? I got a reply from ma man, DJ KC! I'm so excited, i could jump up 70 stories.

Ish. PLASTIC. 70 stories. Nampak nah bedek.

Imran's 'Seribu Tahun Lagi' got shivers down my spine. And I'm grabbing Hady's album once i get a job, and my first pay. Must support local music. And yes Hady, i hear you. You're welcome, love.

HE IS ALREADY THE BEST IN MY EYES NO MATTER WHAT.

2006-11-18T16:56:00.000+08:00

I told Farhan where Fahrul is at the moment and he went, "Id nak bedek tak agak2." *sighs* If only he knew how much i wish i was kidding. If only he knew how much i wish what happen to Rul never to happen to him, or Aiman, or...or...Ilham, even when he hasn't exactly done anything. Hahah. God, please save my friends. From everything that might lead them wrong. Thank you.

And oh God? Please let Ronaldo's ankle injury be gone by the 26th. I want to see him in action against Mourinho's boys. Blues, you're going down. *grins like crazy*

Allright, i realise i always get out of point in less than half a second. But i'm waiting for my darling's call, and im bored yet again. So cheers lambs, here's a survey for you.

HOW DO YOU REPLY WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THIS TO YOU...

ARE YOU ALWAYS LIKE THAT?
Well, i dunno. *blur face* Am I?

I JUST REALIZED NOW THAT I LOVE YOU.
Oh don't worry, Didi Cazly just realised it too. "Kini baru ku sedari...selama ini kau ku sayangi." Lalalala.

LEAVE HIM//HER ALREADY. YOULL BE MUCH MORE HAPPY WITH ME.
Leave him? Oh. That's difficult. Which HIM?

PLEASE DO MY MATH HOMEWORK TOO.
And what exactly is that?

I AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU
I am so blessed too...your credit cards are fabulous.

WHY DOES MONDAY COME BEFORE TUESDAY?
Because Tuesdays come before Wednesdays. And because Wednesday comes before Thursday. And because Thursday comes before Friday. And because Friday comes before blah blah blah blah...

I HAVE TWO TICKETS TO THE LINKIN PARK CONCERT. WANNA COME WITH ME?
Ader masjid dekat2 that concert area tak? Nanti takot termiss isyak ahhh...

YOU ARE ONE OF THE MOST SPECIAL PEOPLE IN MY LIFE. DID YOU KNOW THAT?Who are the others?

I THINK IM FALLING FOR YOU.
Good. Thinking is good for you. =)

I CANT SMILE WITHOUT YOU.
Neither can everyone else.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, BUT YOU JUST AREN'T HIM/HER.
I'm not? Then who am I?

NOTHING.
Oh wow. Great story.

WHATS YOUR MOBILE NUMBER?
Sembilan empat empat tekan tekan tak dapat.

MAY I ESCORT YOU?
Yeah sure, can you go pick up all 200 of my luggages outside. Thanks.

DO YOU STILL LOVE HIM/HER TILL NOW.
Yanto? YES. Ronaldo? YES. Torres? Yes. You? Nah.

YOU WERE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED.
Er what? Want me to finish the song for you?

WHEN WILL I GET YOUR SWEET EYES.
Shut up.

2006-11-18T15:48:00.000+08:00

I yawn as I sit in front of my computer, with the first chapter of what once seemed like a good story filling five legal Microsoft Word pages, while the rest of the white screen remains tauntingly empty; "Hey. You. Do something," it seems to demand. Yet, when I look around for inspiration, I find nothing but a VCD of the Indonesian hit movie, 'HEART'.

So the tears began falling. Super beautiful and deeply moving film. I cried from the stop til the end. And I mean that literally.

Bila kita mencintai yang lain

Mungkinkah hati ini akan tegar

Sebisa mungkin

Tak akan pernah

Sayang ku akan hilang

If you love somebody, could he be this strong

I would fight to win our love will conquer all

Wouldn't risk my love

Even just one night

Our love'll stay in my heart

2006-11-14T22:05:00.000+08:00

Usah Lepaskan.

No, I'm not gonna began an entry of extreme mushiness and drown you in it. I have more pressing matters in mind. Like that song title above. Usah Lepaskan. Sang by our one and only irreplaceable Taufik Batisah. It's the kind of song that you listen and wonder if Taufik will ever stop improving.

I think he should be an example and inspiration to many young musicians out there. You could plainly see his amazing progress and improvement throughout his Idol journey. But to me, the amazement lies in the fact that even though two years have passed since he was last crowned Singapore Idol, Taufik never stop improving.

Amazing really. Compare his performance during that Drug-show campaign thingy, where he dances and sing to 'Back Up Against The Wall', to his recent performance at APM, where he again danced and sang the song composed by The Man, Imran Ajmain himself. Compare the way he sing malay songs during his Ramli Sarip's 'Bukan Kerna Nama' tribute, to his latest single, 'Usah Lepaskan'. There's a huge difference between each. AN OBVIOUS IMPROVEMENT. Slicker dance moves and no more sengau-ness in his voice. Just the way we all like it.

He is, without a doubt, Singapore's most phenomenal artist at the moment. I am proud of him, even though he hardly know i exists. Sheesh.

And if the Taufik Batisah fanclub wants to use my entry above as the introduction to their Fiknatic website, they can call my attorney.

For the Hady fans, you have to wait. I've got my boyfriend to tend to. And he's cuter than 7 Hadys and Taufiks put together.

Thank You.

2006-11-11T11:54:00.000+08:00

I want a job. With a higher pay.

I want Taufik's album. With Hady's single in it.

I want Sleeq's album. With Syarif alone. (HAHAHA.)

I want to get married. With babies of cuz.

And while i bang my head on the table for this completely useless entry. You can try you own list of 'I Wants'.

Go.

2006-11-06T19:35:00.000+08:00

I dun wanna fail anything anymore. I wanna breeze through my Poly life with top grades, a diploma, and a scholarship.

But please dun take my social life away please? No matter what family problems i might be having, i still wanna spend time with my friends. I miss TK. And how i wish i was part of their Raya outing.

I guess sometimes trials make you stronger.

Funny how i'm feeling weaker by each second, instead.

Sheesh.

EMO.

Why can't i live my life like everyone else?

Thank God for Yanto.

2006-11-02T16:49:00.000+08:00

It's going to be the weekends pretty soon, and i can't belif how much i'm looking forward to it. School hasn't exactly been hell, which surprises me a little for i thought spending time with the new G03 class would be the most miserable moment of my life. But apparently i was wrong. They're all really nice people and i made friends pretty fast. There's even a clarinet guy who was from Temasek. I miss TKBand, you know.

I had Plant Anatomy for the first time in weeks on Tuesday. Following that was a lethargic excruciating four hours break, and since i simply refuse to spent the time alone, i decided to pass it with some inane activities. After declining Hanif's offer to step into the jam-packed lift, i had to wait for another three lifts; because one was packed with giggling girls in labcoats, the other was filled with some geeky-looking weirdos while the school attendant took the space in the last lift with his cleaning trolley.

It's almost like Hanif knew i had to wait for several lifts; or he wouldn't have urged me to take the lift he was in. Man, i should have banged his head on the wall for not warning me.

Er -

Maybe i'm the one who needs a head-banging.

GOD. Can you belif it? I'm talking about lifts. I could have talked about Rooney's hat-trick against Bolton, or the new HLM meaning i've came up with, or even how i've been humming 'My Heart' for tha past couple of weeks. But no, i choose to talk about LIFTS.

I don't think the four hours break is doing me any good.

That reminds me. (No, dun ask WHAT reminded me. It's just a good way to began a new paragraph.) Remember the article about that blogger who was criticised and daggered by The New Paper for posting up pictures and blogging about her opinions? Oh boy. That poor blogger.

I mean, okay, she shouldn't have publicise the picture and not blur the faces. Nobody has the right to take anybody's picture. But that's about all the mistake that she made. I don't see why they're also firing her on what she blogged about. Isn't the purpose of a blog is to put your thoughts into words? Even if she didn't blog about it, you think she wouldn't still have that opinion in her head?

So dammit, you read her blog, or rather her thoughts, and you shoot her back with criticism. Hey, nobody asked you to go bloghopping around. It's almost like stealing someone's pen and then going, "I don't like this pen." Get my point?

No? I think you need a head banging too.

SMACK.

I said bang, dumbo. Not slap. Sheesh.

Before i sign out today, let me get this straight: A blowjob is not getting your hair done in a salon. Okay Ana? Good. Slamat Hari Rayer.

Now im off ot the library. To find books. On lemons. Heheh~

I'M KIDDING.

It's amazing. My love is going stronger...even after 8 months. You gave me that magic potion. I love you darl.

2006-10-28T10:02:00.000+08:00

Saturdays can sometimes be the worst day of the week. Watching t-vee brings absolutely no relief, and even Oprah Winfrey has lost her appeal. Half of my brain can't help wondering what my friends and my friend's friend might be doing at this very moment, while the other half is subconciously deciphering the alphabets on my computer screen, yet not making any sense of it.

Why is life so full of roller coasters? It's like every day brings new, unpredictable emotions, and not to mention, weather. Monday it's forecast to be sunny, however you're miserable and there's a rain cloud hanging vindictively over your head. Tuesday the prediction is a storm, however it's sunny and your life is fair. It's been one of those weeks, I'm about ready to give up on this so called life, and make a run for it.

Talking about rain, it reminds me of a moment back in FIS class yesterday. While we were attempting to get an A out of those inane yellow crysanthemums, the rain suddenly poured down so heavily that Singapore's PSI went up to 52 from a safe 14 earlier in the morning. WHEN IS THE HAZE GONNA CLEAR, MAN. WE HAVE ENOUGH POLLUTION FROM THOSE SMOKERS PUFFING AWAY, WE DUN NEED - bleah, i'm getting out of track. Nevermind the PSI. My point here is that upon seeing the rain, i couldn't help but blurt out that apparently 'when it rains, it porns'.

BLANK.

Okay, so my friends didn't really get me. Jonathan, especially, was going 'HUH?' like a pantomime while Ming Jie did that little screwed-up face, i belif only he could master. My dear readers, surveys have proven that majority of homo-sapiens watched porn because it's raining and they couldn't get out of the house, plus, the cold breeze of the rain bring about this steamy, romantic effect which usually get your hormones all horny. OH MAN, JON'S GONNA LOVE THIS. *grins*

So my fellow ninja turtles, WHEN IT RAINS, IT PORNS.

Here's the story. It just so happens that one of my under-block friends told me that he had written an "erotic" essay. I'm a very curious person, knowledge being both my favorite pastime and also the bane of my existence. Everything that man has ever done, I want to know about. This time i was going to find out exactly what i did not want to know. I kept being persuasive with this acquaintance of mine, and of course, like the result of old Chinese torture he broke, and before i knew it i had his disk in my hand and was on my way to view it on my computer.

I couldn't keep this grand secret to myself. How often does a friend you've always seen as a geek write a pornographic story? I was in complete and total awe, so as a natural instinct i told Nila. We rushed to my house with great urgency; our special disk at hand, we almost pushed everyone that was in our way.

When we reach, I popped the disk in and got ready for the worse. And of course before we knew it, we were reading one of the most poorly written, disgusting, lewd literary creations known to man. I got as far as to read "bulge as big a softball," but then i had to quit, because 1) it was getting too dirty for me to handle, and 2) my Mom's screaming her head off asking me to shut the windows so that the rain wouldn't get in.

Later, we both decided that we should just return him his psychotically disgusting R(A) story, right after i finish correcting the grammar of his piece, that is. But eventually, we read it again and again, because the rain continue to pour and pour and pour and it just refuses to stop.

Theorically, it's true. Based on my very own thesis of course. There's this special pattern between the rain and your raging hormones. So i guess in a way....

....when it rains, it porns.

I love my boyfriend. Just telling. Hee~

2006-10-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

Children grow up to be teenagers.....

THEN ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE.

This was proven today. Actually, it was proven a long time ago. But unless you get bloggers, like me, who bothered enough to actual rant about it, that frivolious fact would never be acknowledged.

It rained and four of the Android Children couldn't make it to today's Raya's visit; three of whom are desperately in love and hence had their girlfriend problems to tend too, while one loved his tennis racket too much. *winks* Though it wasn't exactly our idea of a perfect Raya outing, it was a great day nonetheless. Who wouldn't? One's a self-proclaimed writer while the other's a gullible slipping-ice victim. The other one's a palm-soldier metallist and another, is a laser-momma. Then there's the hair-obsessed animater and the sprightly huu-haah frolicsome.

What a crowd.

It was three houses, but a hell lot of chaos. I would blog about it, if only i weren't so sleepy right now. So i'll leave the story telling to Jonathan a.k.a Mr Slippery Ice - check out his blog.

For now, let me go to bed.......

............while you fellows cracked ur brains trying to figure out who's who in my description above.

Dun pretend. I KNOW YOU'RE DOING JUST THAT.

=) Good night. Take care.

And don't take drugs.

2006-10-25T07:58:00.000+08:00

I need a reward. Why? Because i survived the first week (after a log time, that is) of hell in Ngee Ann Poly. It may seem nothing to you, but considering the fact that i'm repeating two of my most hated modules, i gotta spent three of my modules with a bunch of people i never knew existed in NP, i gotta try to endure those morons i call friends and i gotta bring home a small container of arranged flowers possibly every friday...i think i should congratulate myself. So yes, a round of applause for Id. Cristiano Ronaldo will be proud. =)

And speaking of Ronaldo, you might have noticed that my obsession to him has grown stronger ever since a certain woman declare to the whole class that Ronaldo is her idol and she's crazy over him. HRMPH. I shall not lose out. And my classmates know that.

To that woman: You think you're crazy over him? You should see my blog. *sticks out tongue*

Sometimes little little issues like this could get you so heated and hyped up. Hmm.

HYPED UP.

You know, that HYPED UP concert they're having? It's such an enticing and wonderful idea to combine Season 1 and 2 of Spore Idol. But think about it kids, BOTH the winners are Malay-Muslim who celebrate Hari Raya. And of all the 365 days in the calendar of the world, the producers and organisers had to choose the first night of Hari Raya.

If that's not enough, tell me, do you remember what's the date of the Season 2 Idol Finals? I'll tell you. It's on the first day of the fasting month. 1hb Ramadhan. And poor Hady gotta rush to break his fast and wreck his nerves for the final showdown. Heartless imbeciles those producers are. If I were them i'd be ashamed of myself. Hell, if i were them, i'd be ashamed of so many other things. But that's a different story altogether.

My heart goes out to Hady and Taufik.

To the pair of them, and everybody else...if you've been fasting with all your heart and soul, Selamat Hari Raya to you. But if you've been thick-skinned enough to visit McDonalds in the afternoon, buying food and pretending to speak Philippines, then Happy Deepavali to you.

But then again, even our Indian friend fast, you know. Hmmmm.

Allright, Merry Christmas then.

2006-10-22T01:17:00.000+08:00

I've decided that blue is way too bright. Hope this one's better.

Play clean, kiddos.

2006-10-16T07:55:00.000+08:00

It's funny how that happens...first it was dark, and then its light. Neverending. Dark, light, dark, light, dark, light,dark, light, dark, light, dark, light, dark, light, dark, light, dark, light, dark, light...

"Auntie Yaya takmo maen lampu lahh. Nanti rosak, nenek marah."

And it gotta take a 3-year-old to remind me that at such a nice young age of 17, i should not be playing with the light switch. Brilliant. Of all the days she had to say that, it had to be today - the day where school reopens for me. The day where I, the self-proclaimed Ngee Ann Poly horticulturist, returns to that wretch building. The day where I get to finally step into school after a long time, hence, suddenly feeling so clever.

And the little kid just had to drown my self-smart-confidence boost into the fish tank.

As much as i hate to admit, it's the harsh truth, my friends - children sometimes make us realise the most stupidest, craziest things which we often overlook in life. Like how you can get a reversed 'p' and an upside down 'b' if you write the end of the small 'a' alphabet a little longer, and how climbing the windows will mae Mommy angry, which apparently is much much worse than falling down and getting a broken knee, or head, or both.

And how could you forget their constant ridiculous mispronounciation? But then again, you'll get so high with fits of laughter, that at the point you wouldn't be in much of a position to call anything ridiculous. You'll just be laughing. The best part of it all, they'll laugh WITH you who's laughing AT them. And they wouldn't so much understand what exactly the joke is about. They're kids, for God's sake.

Like a certain casting person i know who recently related an incident to me. It was a bright sunny morning and just as she was getting ready for work, her 4-year-old daughter bobbled down the stairs and asked, "Mommy, if your name is Sarah, and i call you Mommy...why is my name Anna, but you don't call me daughter?"

If I remembered correctly, she spatted out her orange juice all over the tabletop.

Now you clever, degree-holders, who thinks having a PhD means that you have the whole world in you pockets, tell me, how do you answer a question like that? I'll give you two seconds.

....

..

Changed my mind. Half a second.

..

TIME'S UP.

Now back to my point, this wonderful creatures God created, also never fail to bring a smile to our faces with their out-of-the-world answers to our question. In their mind, they'd channel in Kids Central and Cartoon Network combined-joint forces, and give you an answer to that simple "What do you wanna be when you grow up?"

It's normal. You'll get replied ranging from "When i grow up, i want to be older," right to "I want to be BATMAN!"

I did my own little experiment and asked my 3-year-old niece that question. You'd never guess what her answer is.

"Nanti Yah dah besar kan...Yah nak jadi kambing!"

Go figure. Truth be told, i'd rather have her being batman.

One day when i have kids of my own, i'm gonna record their childhood and show it to them when they are around my age now. If they don't laugh till they cry, then i'm a flobberworm.

*The writer is NOT an Early Childhood Diploma student. She's just mental.*

2006-10-11T15:21:00.000+08:00

It happens every time.

Just as you are feelin really good about urself...someone, or something, comes along and crushes that wonderful euphoric feeling of confidence. Someone comments that your ponytail is crooked, after you spent seven hours getting it right. Someone announces rather loudly that you have a tiny hole in the seat of your pants, after you thought you had patched it up correctly. Someone comments that the bacon has the slightest taste of being burnt, after you DID burn it, but spent forever scraping the burnt pieces off.

And what could THEY know about your private sufferings? How in the world are they supposed to know that you spent three hours making that birthday card that they thought was a coaster and set their drippy glass on? How they know?

They can't.

Don't blame them. It happens. Friends, parents, siblings, how could they know that you, poor little you, suffered greatly just to bring something to the table? How could they know that you try so hard, and are just taken for granted? Would they know the difference if you disappeared off the face of the Earth? If you were abducted by aliens? Would they ever wonder, "Now where is that girl that burnt the bacon that one time?"

To them it's "that one time," to you, it's all the time. Whenever you accomplish a great task, they don't notice, do they? That's okay. Someday you'll be gone, and they'll be heard all over the town crying, "Oh where is that GIRL!! I wish I had known how HARD she worked to cook that bacon, I wish I'd known how proud she was of that ponytail! Oh, woe is me."

They will lament and feel crushed, their confidence will flounder, they will be lost in the misery of losing you, the girl who worked so hard and was never appreciated. They won't feel the euphoria of being confidant of themselves and their achievements. They will end up just like you. You will have started and inevitable chain of low self-esteem, and all because you were an over achiever.

The only way to prevent the entire population of the world from falling to this sad, woeful fate is to not achieve.

For you see, it happens every freaking time.

-The above entry is solely dedicated to Nila, who's convinced that she has no purpose in her life and that the whole world is turning against her. Girl, it's just a BACON, for God's sake. Sheesh.-